By Jerrica KF Ching

When I first learned that resilience was the topic of reflection, I immediately thought of what it means to be resilient in turbulent times of grief, loss, and trauma.  As a practicing mental health counselor, learning resiliency is a theme that impacts children, adolescents, and adults alike.  

Sometimes when I speak with clients about learning resiliency, they mistaken this to mean “getting over” a hardship, when it is a much more complex aspect to learn and is not so black and white.  Clients describe being told by others that “things will get better” and some are under the impression that this means they will become happy, or it means that the distressing thought will go away. 

Resilience is neither of these things; it is not hoping that as we go through life, we will not face any difficulties or challenges, nor is it wanting to be happy under all circumstances.  To me, learning resiliency is accepting that at some point in time there will be recovery from difficulties or that we have the capacity to withstand such difficulties.  Clients initially will tell me that they want the sadness or hurt to end when they are grieving loss, and sometimes believe that learning resiliency means that they “should” be happy, or they “should” not think about the loss anymore.  Over a long time with processing their grief, they later recognize that resiliency is recognizing how their life continues, even filled with a multitude of feelings, and how they do not have to forsake the memory of a loved one nor do they have to remain in a distressful emotion or memory forever.  

The beauty of resiliency is that it is not an “either/or” but rather a “both/and” feeling to accept; I can be both terribly stricken with grief if I think about the loss of a close family member or friend and at peace knowing that I can do things to honor their memory.  I can be both upset that I was not accepted into a program that I worked so hard for and know that at some point I won’t be as upset as I am right now.  I can experience both intense sadness about an unexpected circumstance and know that other feelings can be of equal intensity throughout my life.

Often times when I am writing these reflections I pull from my professional life and then do a deep dive at which bible verse resonates the most with these experiences.  I came upon Romans 12:12, “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”  Being patient in tribulation is resilience at its core – to know that tumultuous times are challenging, yet not forever.  It is also recognizing that patience isn’t something that we need to feel pleasant about, but something that sometimes we simply must do.

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist, working with children, teens, and adults within the AAPI community. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.