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Posts Tagged ‘being in the present’

Photo by Toshimasa Ishibashi

By Tina Teng-Henson

I’m living my life
as it is
in this moment
as best I can
So help me God

but I can’t help
constantly imagining
(parallel processing?)
Other lives
Slightly better lives
Alternate future lives
‘If we had only’ lives
That could’ve been
That could be
Instead

I often imagine
What it would have been like
What it would be like
If we had bought a house earlier
If we had stayed in contract
If they hadn’t issued me that letter

What will it be like
To have a job again
To own a home
As we raise three littles?

My brain is always somewhere else
Imagining something better
Implicitly discontent with the present
Without meaning judgment
Not intending to compare
Not unhappy
Not discontent
It’s just the way my mind works

Instead of living my actual life
In the moment
The good and the bad

Here I sit.
In a darkened room
Letting the baby
Rest on my chest

It’s the middle of the night
Her breath
Wafts upward
The fragrance of
Mother’s milk

Tomorrow the electrician
Will come and fix
The breakers
Of this rental

Tomorrow I’ll talk to
A listening friend
Our realtor
Another parent
of three

Tomorrow I’ll listen again
For what my assignment is
For that day
And I will follow

Tomorrow I’ll hug the children
Kiss the husband
Unload the dishwasher
Prepare lunch

We’ll both take a nap
Eat well
Keep each other company

Smile
Laugh
And see friends

Have mercy on me
Dear Lord
As I imagine something
Requiring
Courage
Wisdom
Discipline

Help me God
As I live
This actual life
You have given to me
And as we unfold together
what you have
Written down
Folded up

Walk with me
Step by step
Patiently
Making the fantastical
Real, embodied…
The imaginary
Feasible, edible.

They’re not flights of fancy
This is not unfaithful folly

You who created me
And called me good
And crafted me for a purpose
You give me visions and imagination
To get me from here to there

Thank you
I trust you
And
I am not afraid

Here I am
I am yours

Tina Teng-Henson has been blessed to learn + grow alongside so many different people, in so many places: Long Island, NY — Harvard College + the South End of Boston — Nairobi, Kenya and Lanzhou, China. Tina, her husband, and their three children live in northern California.

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Photo by Leo Hidalgo

Photo by Leo Hidalgo

By Sharon Lee Song

I’ve called the summer after my senior year in high school “the golden summer.”  I didn’t have a care in the world.  I think that may have been the only time in my life that I had ever felt so carefree.  My destination for college was set, and all I had to do was show up for work, and hang out with my friends all summer.  The memory of it shimmers in my mind, and the feelings of being so carefree tap into a deep sense of longing. (more…)

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Photo by Christopher Adams

Photo by Christopher Adams

By Ann Chen

Anxiety. I deal with it far more than I like to admit.

My body doesn’t let me get away with it though. When it happens, my body tends to act out in various ways – strange pains, disturbed sleep, and a general sense of unwellness. (more…)

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The Golden Era

Photo by Nikos Koutoulas

Photo by Nikos Koutoulas

By Chloe Sun

When and what is your “Golden Era”? Is this era in the past, present, or future? The phrase suggests someone in the present, looking back to a certain time period in the past, crowning that time period as “the Golden Era.” Perhaps compared with the present, that time period in the past seems the most beautiful, glittering, and unsurpassable. (more…)

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Photo by Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi

By Young Lee Hertig

I spent the whole day Saturday, September 22, at the memorial and burial service of a mother and grandmother who battled against cancer with its ups and downs.  Mrs. Yi was a model patient, mother, and dedicated supporter of our ministry back in the day when we ministered to her children.  (more…)

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Photo by atomicjeep

By Joy Wong

Lately, I’ve become aware of a perpetual discontent within me.  It seems that my thoughts are often filled with “if only” statements.  When I look in the mirror, I lament, “If only I had a better complexion.”  When I think about my career, I think, “If only I knew what God wanted me to do.”  I also often hear such sentiments around me:  “if only I made more money,”  “if only my child was more ambitious,” “if only I lived closer to family,” etc — each “if only” statement expressing a less-than-ideal present circumstance, and perhaps a wish for the future to be diferent. (more…)

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