Photo by Jack Sem
By Grace May
When I accept me at my worst, not darting God’s eyes or making excuses, then I can live into a different reality, where I live not only as forgiven, but transformed. “If anyone is in Christ, [she] is a new creation. Old things have passed away; behold! all things have become new” (2 Cor 5:17). Hearing God’s call of mercy each day invites me to hum a new tune, because I am a brand new person.
There is true strength in being able to accept myself.
I recently made a rather big decision in haste without consulting a close cadre of confidents and ended up regretting it so much that I texted a number of them to pray. Over the course of three days, God not only did damage control but brought a resolution so sweet and so good, it was rather miraculous. I may have been impetuous — my weakness — but God took the opportunity to show me mercy and grace.
Or take my “wonderful” spirit of helpfulness, arguably a strength but nine times out of ten, it’s not. In my mother’s own words, yue-bang yue-mang, “the more I help, the more work I make for everyone else.” In fact, when our ministry, WOW!, launched, I made a conscious effort to do as little event planning as possible and entrusted that work to our associate director, who drafted a program that looked and ran like a wedding planner’s play book. Talk about a success!
In the company of friends, others’ strengths can cover for my weaknesses. Together we can laugh at one another’s foibles, cheer one another on, encourage, pray, and hear God better.
Recently at a week-long silent retreat, I discovered that my strengths and weaknesses begin to dissolve as I let myself be. . . enfolded in God’s love and forgiveness. I discovered God’s reassuring presence wading by the beach, watching the sunset, meeting with my spiritual director, and partaking of the Eucharist. In reading, God’s words overflowed and filled the crevices inside of me. In my extended pause called “silence,” the flesh sloughed off more easily.
I’m more me. God breaks in again and again, and wonder resumes. Abiding with God lets me recognize God’s beauty and appreciate more who God is and who I am. And when I’m more at ease with God, I’m better by myself and in the company of others.
Grace May is the Associate Professor of Biblical Studies at William Carey International University and the executive director of WOW! (Women of Wonder!). Manni Lee is the associate director and director of mentoring, and May Lee is the director of discernment. Our motto is, “We are better together.” Supported by a faithful team of ministers (prayer warriors, donors, and other volunteers), WOW! seeks to see sisters soar.
