By Debbie Gin
A clear memory from when I was in youth group has haunted me for four decades. It wasn’t Thanksgiving, but when asked to share what aspect of the retreat we were thankful for, one by one, all the opbas and unnees (older “brothers” and “sisters”) expressed how much their parents had sacrificed for them to attend the gathering. By the time we got around the large circle, we were all sobbing.
Such group catharsis isn’t unusual for youth retreats, but what’s been interesting for me is just how common such tearful expression about parental self-denial is among Asians. I’ve also attended my share of Western, predominantly White retreats and haven’t seen much of this. To be sure, I’ve experienced such group tears, but it was seldom about our parents and more about how we’d strayed from God. I suppose it makes sense: while all parents sacrifice for their children, Western norms dictate that parents help their kids individuate pretty early, and Asian norms assume that parents will always have a strong role in family decisions, which may affect how children perceive self-denial.
Parental self-denial has been a prevalent motif in my own experience. As a child of Asian immigrants, growing up in an immigrant church, I saw sacrifice at every turn. Parents, by choice, gave up prominent careers in their home countries to move to the “Beautiful” country, to become 7-day laborers in laundromats or liquor stores, so that their children would have opportunities they could never have had.
A friend has recently been teaching me Chinese root words to help me understand Korean vocabulary better. I’m struck by how many phrases include mei or bu (“not”) to express something positive: Mandarin’s bu keqi (“you’re welcome”) or mei guanxi (“it’s okay”) are examples. Korean language does the same. Even though I, as a native English speaker, think of “denial” as a negative thing; I wonder if not knowing the Korean/Chinese language deeply keeps me from seeing underlying assumptions of self-denial as a positive thing. Perhaps older generations will deny themselves anything they believe can be reserved for the next generation.
This notion of self-denial, already prevalent in complicated Asian value systems, finds a parallel in Asian church communities. We’re familiar with the biblical precedent—denying oneself and following Jesus; sharing rather than hoarding wealth and material goods; generously caring for the poor, orphaned, and widowed (presumably at one’s own expense). So, for Christian Asian parents, practicing self-denial is practicing righteousness.
All of this makes me want to be a better Asian Christian. However, I have one hesitation. What about when self-denial is asymmetrically experienced? What if certain people groups have had to endure more than their share of having to deny themselves of basic human rights, while other people groups have not had to deny themselves as much? Is the latter group somehow better and thus more deserving? Surely not. When women are unequally asked to step aside for the man’s chance to prosper or lead or make progress, or when systems are set up to keep those in black and brown bodies from advancing, this is when I actually see the other “side” of Scripture and Jesus’ example coming alive. This is when I see the prophetic pushback to self-denial. What I have also found in reading Scripture is that the prophets acknowledged that some people groups will experience self-denial because there’s sin in the world. It’s in this context that the Bible encourages the prophetic voice, the voice that will speak truth to inequity and injustice. Truth to a forced self-denial.
The Bible is beautiful in this way. It speaks to sacrifice and self-denial and to prophetic equity. May we not easily assume which parts are speaking to us. May we not relate only to those passages that justify our own comfort. May we learn both to practice self-denial and to speak prophetically.
Dr. Debbie Gin is Director of Faculty Development and Research at The Association of Theological Schools/Commission on Accrediting, the support and accrediting organization of most seminaries in the US and Canada. She was formerly Associate Professor of Ministry at Azusa Pacific Seminary and Fellow for Faculty Development and Evaluation in the Center for Teaching, Learning, and Assessment at Azusa Pacific University. She and her husband currently live in Pennsylvania.
