By Diana Kim

“I will both lie down and sleep in peace; for you alone, O LORD, make me lie down in safety.” -Psalm 4:8

When I become anxious or depressed, I feel as though I am in a fog, unable to navigate through the thick clouds that prevent me from seeing even two feet in front of me. It becomes hard for me to breathe: my heart races and my mind cannot focus. The only remedy for this seems to be sleep — at least, when I am unconscious, I am unaware of my anxiety and depression and am able to be free of heart palpitations. Of course, this is only a temporary solution. But what if it wasn’t? 

I used to think that sleep was a waste of time: 8 hours during which I can get more studying done or work on a craft or hobby. This is what I used to think when I was younger. How foolish I was back then! As I got older, I learned to cherish sleep and see it as a daily refuge from reality and all its hardships. It has become a prize. I would collapse into bed after a long day, knocking out as soon as my head hit the pillow: I had earned a good night’s sleep after a full day of work and studying. These days, however, with my insomnia wreaking havoc on my sleep hygiene, sleep eludes me, and I now find myself craving a good night’s rest; even a laborious day will not so easily lead to a good night’s sleep anymore.

Perhaps it’s not the sleep itself that has lost its potency, rather it is my approach to sleep that has been rendered futile. I am reminded of the Jewish people, whose day begins in the evening. Their day begins with sleep, so that they are energized and ready for the day’s work. Rather than thinking of sleep as a prize to be won at the end of the day, what if I saw sleep as a time of peace and rest that put me in a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual posture ready for the day ahead? Rather than seeing sleep as my refuge at the end of the day, what if I saw it as serene preparation for what is to come?

Diana Kim is a PhD student at Fuller Theological Seminary and is majoring in Christian Ethics. Her current research area of interest is Asian American feminist ethics. She is committed to teaching and equipping the next generation to be passionate for Jesus and to live out His passion and care for the world.