By Yuri Yamamoto

A red light, unexpected construction or a traffic jam slows me down, and I get anxious about being late. Take a deep breath. I choose to let go, refusing to let things out of my control take control of me. I am cultivating my patience as part of my resilience. 

My old boss, a white man of stature, used to gaslight me, and I had panic attacks on my way to work. Trembling, I often tried to take deep breaths so that I could function. 

He had questioned my involvement in anti-racism ministry and told me that I had to be patient with good white people: “Since [people like you] have waited for so long, you can wait a little longer while I help them. This way, we can bring more people along.” 

I tried to understand his side. I told myself that I had to learn to love this man or else I could not love anyone else. My mother’s voice in my head whispered in my ear that I must search my own faults before blaming others. 

While trying to understand or justify his behaviors, I was ignoring my own needs. I did not understand that he was imposing patience as a weapon. 

This is nothing new. In his famous “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. painstakingly described the corrosive power of injustice in hope that the white moderates would “understand [their] legitimate and unavoidable impatience.”

That was 1963, 61 years ago. 

It is true that changes are slow and that we need to be patient. But that does not mean that we must be silent. 

In his conclusion, Dr. King asked for God’s forgiveness if he had “a patience that makes me patient with anything less than brotherhood.” As a contemporary prophet, Dr. King knew that brotherhood was the absolute requirement of God’s kingdom. I agree wholeheartedly. Let us take a deep breath, choose to speak out, and refuse to let the oppressive power intimidate us.

Yuri Yamamoto (they/she) is a board-certified chaplain, ordained and endorsed by the Federation of Christian Ministries. After coming from Japan to the U.S., Yuri was a scientist (molecular biology/plant biology) and a church musician in a Unitarian Universalist congregation. Their theological education is from Shaw University Divinity School, and after two CPE residencies, Yuri is serving as a clinical chaplain in a close custody state prison. Yuri and their husband have six kids, four kids-in-law, four grand kids, and one dog.