By Angela Ryo

When I found out this month’s theme is kindness, I thought about all the kindness I’ve received in my life. Many people — friends and strangers alike — who have been kind to me came to my mind. As I spent some time thanking them in my heart, I was reminded of one person who taught me the importance of being kind to myself. 

Joe was my supervisor when I was doing my CPE (clinical pastoral education) at a big hospital during my seminary years. He was an experienced chaplain who was compassionate yet firm. Needless to say, I admired him greatly. 

One morning after an emotionally taxing overnight shift due to the death of one of my patients during the night, I filled out a form required for the death certificate. Joe came in for his morning shift, and I handed him the form. He looked it over, and to my dismay, pointed out the wrong information I had put in there. This was a pretty important form, and I messed it up! My immediate response was, “Oh no! I’m so stupid!” Since that was my usual way of talking to myself at that time, I was the one who was surprised when Joe gasped in horror and sat me down. “What did I do wrong now?!” I thought. 

He said, “What did you just say?” 

I tried to remember the last thing I said. “I’m…so stupid?”

“You see what you did there? You jumped right to judging yourself. Could we hold off on the judgment and first let’s go back and review the kind of night you had?” 

I had an especially busy overnight shift taking care of all kinds of ER patients and notifying their families. And on top of that, one of the patients I had come to know and love died that night. I was emotionally and physically spent by the time was filling out the form. 

After I described my night, Joe said, “It sounds like you had a pretty exhausting shift. Could it be that your mind was still on your patients and their families as you were filing out the form and that’s why you made a mistake? It seems to me that you value relationships over paperwork, and that’s always a great quality to have in a chaplain. Does that sound ‘stupid’ to you?” 

I slowly shook my head as I wiped the tears rolling down my cheeks. All these years, I thought I could talk to myself cruelly and judge myself harshly because it was me; I would never judge or talk to anyone else that way! Why was it so hard to extend the same grace and kindness to myself? After all, am I not a precious child of God in whom God delights? 

From that day forward, I changed the way I treated myself. I vowed that I would treat myself with the same grace, kindness, and dignity I offered to others and God showered me with. After all, I’m the only one that I’m stuck with 24/7! If I cannot be kind to the only person that I’m with every single moment of my life, how can I possibly extend true kindness and compassion to anyone else? 

What about you? When was the last time you treated yourself with kindness and compassion? I hope we will learn to see ourselves through God’s eyes of love each and every day. 

As you do so, may this blessing by John O’Donohue be a reminder for all of us: 

“For Solitude”

May you recognize in your life the presence, power and light of your soul.
May you realise that you are never alone, that your soul in its brightness and belonging connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.
May you have respect for your own individuality and difference.
May you realise that the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the façade of your life there is something beautiful, good, and eternal happening.
May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride and expectation with which God sees you in every moment.

Angela Ryo currently serves as Pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Munster, IN. She enjoys taking long walks, reading, listening to NPR, and drinking good coffee with friends and strangers alike.