By Angela Ryo

As I thought about the word “gentleness,” there was someone who came to my mind. This person truly saw me for who I was. I believe that was because of his gentleness. When was the last time you felt truly seen by others? When was the last time you truly saw others for who they are and let them know it?

I remember my youth group days when I was just a shy, invisible 9^th grader. A new youth pastor came to our church, and I had very little hope for him. He was a middle-aged Korean man who spoke in broken English. Daniel Kim was his name. Pastor Daniel was the very definition of NOT COOL. But he saw me. He, along with his wonderful wife, asked me questions, fed me, and taught me how to pray and read the Bible. They brought out the gifts I never knew I had. Now, I say, “me” and not “us” because I thought I was the only one he and his wife saw! But that wasn’t true. Pastor Daniel had an uncanny gift of making anyone he encountered truly seen.

Just this week, I heard a famous Ted Lasso quote: “Be curious, not judgmental.” Well, Pastor Daniel was Ted Lasso BEFORE Ted Lasso ever aired on Apple TV! It was because of him (my pastor and not Ted Lasso) that I blossomed as a leader — something I never thought was my gift — and decided to embrace the call to go into ministry. Despite his broken English and “not-coolness,” he changed my life by seeing me for who I really was. A beloved child of God with something valuable to offer to the world. And I believe that is the power of being seen. 

According to David Brook’s book, How to Know a Person, he states, “In every crowd there are Diminishers and there are Illuminators. Diminishers make people feel small and unseen….They stereotype and ignore. They are so involved with themselves that other people are just not on their radar screen. Illuminators, on the other hand, have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know what to look for and how to ask the right questions at the right time. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, deeper, respected, lit up.”

When was the last time someone made you feel that way? Bigger, deeper, respected, lit up? 

Perhaps you know the story that is sometimes told of Jennie Jerome, who later became Winston Churchill’s mother. It’s said that when she was young, she dined with the British statesman William Gladstone and left thinking he was the cleverest person in England. Later she dined with Gladstone’s great rival, Benjamin Disraeli, and left that dinner thinking SHE was the cleverest person in England. It’s nice to be like Gladstone, but it’s better to be like Disraeli.

Are you a diminisher or an illuminator? As followers of Jesus, I believe we’re all called to be illuminators, bringing out the very best in one another. So may you go and practice gentleness by becoming an illuminator — especially as you have Thanksgiving dinner with your family next week. 

Angela Ryo currently serves as Pastor at Westminster Presbyterian Church in Munster, IN. She enjoys taking long walks, reading, listening to NPR, and drinking good coffee with friends and strangers alike.