By Ajung Sojwal

Gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit has been one of the more complicated things for me to understand or even embrace. My struggle lies in the fact that traditionally gentleness has been touted as a much-sought-after feminine virtue, which in turn has been manipulated to subdue and oppress women and girls. Women and girls who talk confidently, laugh heartily, who choose to think and live independently, who refuse to stay silent in the face of assault and injustice, who demand equal rights and privileges are all suspect of lacking “gentleness.” 

One of the things that surprised me most in this presidential election was how a large portion of young men gravitated toward the vision of aggression and control of the most vulnerable in our society. It feels like “gentleness” will once again be demanded of women, queer folks, immigrants, political, economic and climate refugees as a virtue for social control. The current political environment, not just in our country but also in many parts of the world, challenges me to a new imagination of gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit. 

Today, I remember preparing myself to be a mother for the second time. When our newborn was placed on my chest for the first time and I traced my fingers on her incredibly soft skin, I began to think about what true gentleness entails. I was overwhelmed by a profound sense of responsibility toward the life that had managed to thrive in my womb and found her way into the great unknown of the outside world. I could feel the utter vulnerability of our baby inadvertently calling forth every collected wisdom and strength hidden within me. I thought about the advantage of power, wisdom or strength that I had over the new and malleable life snuggled against my breasts and there I realized, whatever I had to offer her needed to be received as gentleness from me for any meaningful relationship to happen. I saw clearly for the first time, my innate power and authority as a parent against the vulnerability of our baby whom I loved instinctively. 

Jesus’ call to us when he said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” is about his recognition of our vulnerability and his loving decision not to ever take advantage of us. Jesus’ invitation stems from a sacrificial love for us that longs for our freedom to live as God’s beloved children free from the oppressive demands of this world. With Jesus, gentleness has never been about submissiveness but about the uncommon strength of making possible another life to flourish. Gentleness as a fruit of the Holy Spirit’s life in us testifies to us being confident in who we are in Christ, of our freedom in Christ that feels no need to control anything or anyone, it is about trust in the One who is at work in every person and in every situation on earth, and it is about hope that we are being transformed daily to be more and more like Jesus, our gentle brother. 

Ajung Sojwal is the Priest-in-Charge of All Saint’s Episcopal Church, Palo Alto, CA. Ajung and her husband moved to the Bay Area after serving for many years in churches in the New York, Connecticut and New Jersey area. Ajung is passionate about conversing and learning to engage in community as the incarnational Body of Christ in a suffering world.