By Melanie Mar Chow

Gal 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

2 Tim. 1:7 – For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

In this season of Advent and Thanksgiving, the AAWOL writings about the fruit of the Spirit have blessed me by uncovering many helpful reflections to help us walk the path of life in Christ. As we finish this journey of being with the fruit collectively this year, we’ve learned something valuable.  The most important of the “fruit” to manifest for God’s purposes is to be lived out framed with the first virtue — love.  

Does this mean that the fruit is presented in an intentional order?  Depending on your favorite theologian, this topic could generate a lengthy discussion!  However, it seems to me that to fully express the fruit of the Spirit, those in the Body of Christ need the final virtue, self-control, as the bookend of love so that the rest of the fruit, intentionally and authentically, are utilized, not only in its collective manifestation but also individually.

One recent example of self-control came in this Thanksgiving season for my family as we returned to one of our beloved activities this weekend — Black Friday shopping.  Black Friday is something that will not easily die, as proven through its survival of the pandemic which turned it into an online experience. $75 billion was said to be spent in 2023, with even more anticipated this year!

However, this year I have employed my family to embody the spirit of power, love, and self-control. We went to an outdoor outlet mall to find our potential Black Friday purchases.  No longer subjecting ourselves to the midnight mall madness, we got good sleep, avoided the temptation of the 6 am openings, and delayed our arrival until 9 am. Full from a good breakfast, we readily took the parking space vacated by one of the early birds who had swooped in for the advertised “big purchases.” 

My daughter took the lead in self-control, using her phone for online research as we carefully ascertained which advertised sales would amount to real savings, determining if there were better prices elsewhere. Next, we determined if things were better to buy online or in-person to avoid shipping charges.  Going in-person allowed us to try on sales merchandise for the best fit. Finally, we deliberated over whether we really needed these items.  Furthermore, we reminded ourselves that if we decided not to purchase something but still felt the need for it later, we could still hope for sales on Cyber Monday. 

As I often like to offer practical tips, here are three steps towards better self-control when life throws its challenges:

1. Keep a journal of what you experience when you lose self-control.  List the process of what happened and then prayerfully consider corrective insights. Also, share with others who might have insights and who can pray for you when the experiences are repeated.
2. In future experiences, have a mnemonic thought or phrase to help bring self-control.  For example, if there is something you are tempted by: “Inhale God’s control, exhale my control..”
3. Before you begin the day, invite God by prayer to give you employment of the fruit of the spirit, especially self-control over temptation.  If easily tempted, text a good friend to join and pray with you to invite God and the Holy Spirit to walk as Christ did.

With the help and encouragement found within our communities and the power of the Holy Spirit, may we begin to see self-control manifested in our lives in ways we never imagined possible, to the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Rev. Melanie Mar Chow serves God through Asian American Christian Fellowship, the campus ministry division of the Japanese Evangelical Missionary Society (JEMS). She has been an ordained American Baptist minister since 2004. A Pacific Northwest native, she currently lives with her husband and daughter in Southern California.