By Jerrica KF Ching

To reflect upon self-control around the busy holiday seasons is a privilege in my eyes, as it has allowed me to take careful stock upon what I prioritize during the final two months out of the year.  This year I planned further ahead than I typically would for holiday gifting.  Very similar to Melanie’s reflections of her family doing research before shopping, I had the idea to complete all of my holiday shopping at the beginning of November, to allow me to take presents with me to my family in person, rather than worry about shipping delays during holiday crunch time. 

While this was a success and I felt very content knowing that everyone had their presents accounted for, I forgot how much information we are inundated with no matter where we look during holiday shopping time!  Deal after deal can be found in ads on social media or websites, and we are flooded with daily discounts within our email inboxes.  Even when trying to stay off my phone, watching a video on a streaming platform on my television often includes ads for the latest and greatest gadget, gift, or holiday idea.  There are copious amounts of gift lists available for all budgets and for all the people in one’s life. 

However, with all this information coming at you in literally an instant, I couldn’t help but notice pangs of anxiety creeping in.  These feelings caught me off guard, as I found myself asking, “why are you so anxious?  You already purchased presents for everyone, you don’t have to purchase anything else.”  Then I realized that these advertisements filled with dazzling colors, sometimes enticing music, and someone giving their opinion about how it’s the best thing ever, are a fantastic marketing strategy to break through one’s sense of their self-control.  In addition to advertisements, the holidays also are a sign of an increase in gatherings or parties, meaning I had input so many different events onto my calendar and was in several group text messages trying to coordinate who was going to bring what to dinner.  

I found my eyes glued to my phone and just taking in sight after sight, sound after sound, and then becoming very overwhelmed.  I felt very helpless at some point and remembered thinking to myself in those moments, “is this really what is important to me?  Do I want to be someone like this?”  I found myself yearning for peace and stillness and found comfort during quiet moments where I realized that God sometimes presents us with situations where we cannot help but feel a loss of control, yet our self-control is still present with us, even if it’s hard to find! 

I was able to set limits with certain applications on my phone to not exceed a very specific time per day and have found joy in knowing that when it lets me know I’ve reached my limit, I’m able to put my phone down and don’t feel like I need to be looking at it for hours on end.  Our self-control doesn’t leave us, but it is the noise of the world that tends to intensify and run over.  Even during a time of community and camaraderie with family and friends, I do think those quiet moments that we have to ourselves when we are alone with God are equally, if not more, important and necessary to help us have a joyous holiday season.

Whether you are doing holiday shopping for your loved ones, putting together a potluck dinner at the office, or coordinating festivities, I hope you all find small moments to express and practice exercises in self-control, and remember that we are not meant to go, go, go every second of the day!  May your holidays also include rest, peace, and self-control!

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist, working with children, teens, and adults within the AAPI community. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.