By Wendy Choy-Chan

For much of my spiritual life, I didn’t consider Jesus to be my friend. Or, to be more precise, I didn’t think Jesus would consider me His friend. I knew all the essentials: God loves me, Jesus died for me, and the Holy Spirit breathed new life into me. These truths I had learned from the Bible, but I always read God’s love as if it were His obligation, a part of His divine job description. He had no choice but to love me. 

But did He like me? Did He like me enough to invite me out for coffee or to simply hang out with me? I didn’t think so.

You see, for a long time, love — real, meaningful love — felt exclusive to me. Love was only for those who were lovely and lovable, and I didn’t see myself as one of those people. I tried to make myself more lovable by striving to meet the unspoken standards I thought God wanted, but I always fell short. My most frequent prayer was, “God, I failed again.”

Despite all my failures in earning God’s love and Jesus’ friendship, there was one truth that could not be denied: God doesn’t fail. Jesus doesn’t fail. It was through His grace that I eventually came across Henri Nouwen’s Life of the Beloved, and I started a journey of rediscovery. This journey wasn’t without its challenges, with a lot of tearing down and rebuilding, but it became one of freedom and joy. It involved several key shifts:

Breaking free from false images of God’s love: 
Over time, I began to recognize how my culture, my family, and the world had conditioned me to have a skewed view of God and His love. These influences shaped my belief that God’s love was conditional and based on performance. I had to repent of this false understanding in order to experience the real, unmerited love of God.

Shifting the lens through which I read the Bible: 
I had often approached Scripture with the question, “What would Jesus do?” — a question that aimed to teach me how to act like Him. However, as I grew, I began to ask a new question: “What is Jesus doing?” This subtle shift opened my eyes to see that God is always actively at work in his people, and similarly Jesus is actively at work in me in my everyday life.

Embracing the contrast of human and divine love: 
As I read the Bible more deeply, I began to see the stark contrast between God’s ever-loving heart and the often-darkened hearts of humans. Yet, God does not give up on us. In fact, He draws us to Himself with a love that is persistent, patient, and unrelenting. He loves us not because we are lovable, but because His love is powerful enough to make us lovable.

God is both beyond me and within me: 
God, while infinitely beyond me, is also intimately within me. “The Word became flesh and dwelt among us” (John 1:14), and “they shall call His name ‘Emmanuel,’ which means, God with us” (Matt 1:23). God isn’t just out there somewhere, distant and far away. He is with me, in me, living and moving in my daily life.

Jesus as Lord, God, friend, and bridegroom: 
Jesus is undoubtedly my Lord and my God, but He is also my friend and my bridegroom. His love for me is so deep that He was willing to die for me, but it doesn’t stop there. He likes me enough to spend time with me. He enjoys me, even in my imperfections, and longs to hang out with me in the small, everyday moments of life.

This journey of rediscovery has transformed my relationship with Jesus. I no longer see Him as distant or obligated to love me. I now know that He loves me freely, unconditionally, and that He desires my friendship. He delights in me, and that is something I never expected but am endlessly grateful for.

Born and raised in Hong Kong, Wendy became a Christian while attending Queen’s University in Canada. She graduated from Fuller Seminary in 2016 with an MA in Theology, and from Multnomah Biblical Seminary in 2023 with a DMin in Heart-based Spirituality and Christian Formation. Wendy lives in Seattle with her husband and two daughters, and serves as a minister at Evangelical Chinese Church of Seattle.