By Eunhyey Lok

Salvation throughout my life has meant different things.

In childhood, it meant memorizing Bible verses, showing up for Christmas pageant rehearsals, playing in the church orchestra, following the rules at church, home and school.

In my teen years, it became regular quiet times, youth retreats, not swearing, drinking or smoking. Not being afraid to admit I was a Christian when my friends scoffed at them.

In young adulthood, it meant realizing that I actually did believe what had been taught about the empty tomb. Believing it so much, I wanted to tell my neighbor’s cat Jesus was alive! (Can cats go to heaven?) But still living as if I had to work my way into God’s love and approval.

Then in adulthood, I hit a wall. Salvation from sins rang hollow. Got burned out by the narrowing of the gospel to atonement for sins. 

Out of this desert, salvation took on new meaning. I slowly discovered that the gospel was much bigger than good news just for my soul. That God’s salvation included the re-creation of all the world. Included caring about racism’s unmaking of me and my loved ones. Of breaking and remaking the structures that shackle us into ones that revive. Salvation took the form of stillness and sabbath. Of quiet and rest. Of beholding the mystery that God was not like us, yet was still very much with us. It was a wellspring in the desert, filling me in parched places, a balm to my sorrow, disappointment and grief. 

I am always surprised when I see Jesus saving me after all this time: from trying to make God make sense according to my thoughts; from being mean to myself and petty to others; and from settling for a world according to me. Salvation feels now like being encircled and rescued. My cry being heard, delivered from my fears. Of tasting goodness after tasting nothing. It feels like being scooped up out of mud by warm hands, held until the chill of fog dissipates. Until I am warm enough to shake my wings and look up to behold Jesus. 

In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. (Is 30:15)

Eunhyey Lok (eunhyeylok.com) is a spiritual director, licensed marriage and family therapist and ordained pastor who specializes in working with Asian Americans, as well as leaders of ministries and international NGOs. Eunhyey is based in Los Angeles with her husband and son, but keeps her Minnesota roots alive through frequent visits to her hometown.