By Wendy Choy-Chan

April 7 – I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

It has been quite a battle—not just for my physical body, but also for my mind and heart. I wrestled with God through this ordeal, struggling to accept the diagnosis and feeling sacred and uncertain about the future. At the same time, I earnestly sought Him to guide me through the many medical decisions ahead, and through life in general.

It was an emotional roller coaster — anger, anxiety, worry, disappointment, sadness, and, at times, peace, faith, and hope.

In the beginning, I prayed to God for healing — whether miraculous or through the hands of the surgeon. But my prayers began to feel like begging, eventually like knocking on a locked door. I wondered, What’s wrong with God? Of course, nothing is wrong with God. Then I asked, What’s wrong with me? Or with my request?

As it turned out, nothing was wrong with me or my request either. But something wasn’t quite right behind the request. I realized I had equated a healthy body with peace and security in life. I believed that cancer meant losing control. But really—
Is there anything in this world that can guarantee peace and security?
Am I ever truly in control of my life?

It’s all an illusion — the same lie from Genesis 3: that I can be my own god, that I have control over my life and can provide peace and security for myself.

So I surrender — my life, my body, my cancer, and even my roller-coaster emotions — to Jesus.
Total surrender.

And in those moments of surrender, I find peace and security in Him — knowing and trusting that He is in control of my life, my body, my cancer, and my emotions. In those moments, the roller coaster becomes a river cruise — floating and flowing in the gentle current of the Spirit.

Total surrender to my rightful Lord Jesus brings total freedom in the loving embrace of my Savior.

You’re welcome to read about my cancer journey on Facebook.

Born and raised in Hong Kong, Wendy became a Christian while attending Queen’s University in Canada. She graduated from Fuller Seminary in 2016 with an MA in Theology, and from Multnomah Biblical Seminary in 2023 with a DMin in Heart-based Spirituality and Christian Formation. Wendy lives in Seattle with her husband and two daughters, and serves as a minister at Evangelical Chinese Church of Seattle.