By Diana Kim

LORD Jesus, I give You this day, knowing full well that my life – all that I am, all that I have – is in Your hands.

This is my daily prayer. 

When I first started saying this prayer – almost in a mantra-like manner – I was in my early twenties. I had just begun vocational ministry and wanted to be in the practice of giving glory to God with my ministry and my seminary studies. Any time I sat at my desk to do ministry work or begin my studies, I said this prayer. This prayer reminded me to center my work, drive, and ambition on Jesus as a spiritual act of worship. It made sense at the time: to not let my Type A perfectionistic tendencies overwhelm me and to remind myself that no matter how much effort I put in, everything is ultimately up to God. (I loved 1 Corinthians 3:6: “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth” and I now see how much this shaped my prayer.) When I had things that I needed to get done, tasks to complete, this prayer made so much sense.

But now?

More than a decade later, I still say this prayer, but it seems to hit quite differently.

For health reasons, I have stepped away from ministry and am currently on Leave of Absence from my academic work. Because I am not required to be as “productive” as I was when I was in my early twenties, my days consist of going on leisure walks, doing chores around the house, maybe reading for a short period of time, and taking naps. (Because chronic fatigue makes it difficult for me to stay standing or sitting upright for too long, I find that the majority of the time, I am lying down.) At this point in my life, what could I possibly offer to Jesus? What aspect of my life is worth presenting to my LORD Jesus? What aspect of my life would my LORD Jesus want? Does He still want my life? 

Jesus is LORD of my life, not just when I am productive and task-oriented. Jesus is LORD of my life when I am not able to be as productive, when I don’t successfully complete as many tasks on a given day as I did before. Jesus is still LORD of my life when the world (including myself, sometimes) doesn’t think I’m doing enough. Offering my all to LORD Jesus means offering up my best and my worst: I have to accept that I am human and cannot be perfect all the time. 

LORD Jesus, I give You this day (whether it be perceived as good or bad), knowing full well that my life – all that I am, all that I have, including my weaknesses and limitations – is in Your hands. You do not hold me because I am productive or successful. You hold me in Your hands and You want all of me, even when I am weak and unable.

Diana Kim is a PhD student at Fuller Theological Seminary and is majoring in Christian Ethics. Her current research area of interest is Asian American feminist ethics. She is committed to teaching and equipping the next generation to be passionate for Jesus and to live out His passion and care for the world.