By Margaret Yu

During the fall of my senior year in college, I came to a painful realization: I had tried — and failed miserably — to heal from a broken relationship. The breakup left me in pieces. The way he ended it was every girl’s nightmare.

He said, “I love you, but I could never love you the way you love me.”

That one sentence shattered me. What could I say to that? I was devastated. I spent the following spring trying to move on, but no matter what I did, I couldn’t. That summer, I even traveled around the world, hoping that distance would heal my heart. But to no avail! The pain was still there — deep, raw, and overwhelming. I wasn’t just grieving the end of a relationship. I was grieving the loss of my first love and my best friend. I felt abandoned and rejected.

And it terrified me.

I was afraid that I would carry this brokenness forever — that I’d never be whole again. I couldn’t control my emotions anymore, and I was scared that sadness would be my forever best friend. I had tried everything, but trying wasn’t enough. I couldn’t live the way I wanted to. I felt chained to my past and to the person who had walked away.

But that autumn changed everything.

By that point, I had been a Christian for about three years. I believed God had saved me, and I knew in my head that He was good and loving. But the truth is, I was still living like the captain of my own ship. I was used to calling the shots — proof being that I dated someone who didn’t share my faith, even though I knew deep down it wasn’t right. As an Asian American who had found success before knowing God, it just felt natural to keep relying on myself. Trusting God with my actual life decisions? That felt foreign — and scary.

Part of the reason I clung to control was because when I did try to rely on God, I got frustrated. I didn’t know how to let Him lead. I read the Bible on my own, went to church, prayed when I could — but I still felt stuck. I was spiritually young, and I didn’t have anyone in my life who could walk me through what it actually looked like to trust God in a practical way.

But God brought Andrea into my life — a mentor who patiently and lovingly showed me a different way. She taught me that I didn’t have to be the captain of my life. I could surrender control and trust God with everything. She helped me see that God wasn’t distant or passive — He was deeply present and trustworthy. Most importantly, I learned that I never had to go through life alone again.

What helped me finally choose Jesus as Lord was this growing conviction that He could be trusted with the reins of my life. It wasn’t easy. Letting go of control never is. But when I was faced with His unwavering and powerful love, it became easier to say “yes.” Saying yes to His Lordship meant saying yes to a life no longer driven by fear or striving, but by peace and trust. I learned that he desires to be intricately involved in every aspect of my life. He wants my heart. 

And I’m still saying yes — every day.

What about you? Who is the captain of your life? What will you need from God to give him the reins of your life? How is the Holy Spirit helping you live with God’s power and not your own? Share with us here in the comments as your honesty will encourage all of us.

Since 2023, Margaret Yu has served as the primary caregiver for her 2 elderly parents. She is learning to ascribe dignity and respect to her parents even as they are bed-ridden. Prior to this, she served in campus ministry for over 30 years. Her last role was the National Director of Epic Movement, the Asian American ministry of Cru. However Margaret believes that the most challenging role of her life is being a loving caregiver for her parents. You can contact her via Facebook or Instagram @Epicmyu  She would love to hear from you.