By Melanie Mar Chow

“Do you know the way to San Jose?” These are words from an American classic with multiple covers that keep it popular.  Dionne Warwick didn’t like the song at first, but her outstanding voice gave it worldwide appeal. She received an award from the city because she gave it notoriety.  Hal David, the writing partner of the famous Burt Bacharach, wrote about returning to his hometown. The first stanza reads “Do you know the way to San Jose? I’ve been away so long, I may go wrong and lose my way.”

I am not a stranger to San Jose. My sister and friends live there. My favorite NorCal Japanese confectionery store and dim sum restaurant are there.  Over time, the same freeways rise to  new distractions. I didn’t realize that on my last drive, my cue to exit had a new building. Missing getting off added an extra half hour.  Yes, I can go wrong and lose my way.

As a follower of Jesus, I rely on Him to guide my journey, especially when I feel lost. The Bible provides examples, such as in Luke 24, where Jesus walks with two followers on the road to Emmaus. Though they knew their destination, they were distracted and failed to recognize Him, illustrating how easy it is to lose our way — even in the presence of direction.

This past year has been full of learning to process compounded grief.  As a campus minister, I signed up to help students navigate life. Students quickly navigate their college experiences then they graduate.  This summer was hard to process the challenge of transitioning from one school year to another.  2025 marked a different kind of loss. My last pandemic class of students graduated this year, and the large group of freshmen came, stayed for their 3.5 to 4 years to obtain their undergraduate degrees and serve in our ministry.  Though they invested well in the new leaders to succeed them, this year will be more of looking out for which direction the journey will take. 

​Changes like that have been compounded by significant losses in both the Chow and Mar families. I also notice more loss  of life at this stage of life. I do have momentary lapses that make me lose my way.  As I updated my September shopping list, I found my brother’s name, reminding me of his birthday. This brought a wave of grief, as I didn’t get to give him last year’s gift when he entered the ICU on his birthday and passed away two weeks later.  

How can one regain direction when feeling lost? One powerful tool is lament. Jesus, who experienced deep grief, modeled honest expressions of sorrow. Merriam-Webster defines lament as “to express sorrow for something, to bewail it.” Nearly one-third of the psalms are laments. Practicing lament gives us a way to bring sorrow to Jesus and discover hope in our vulnerable moments, trusting that He meets us there and helps us reorient the journey. 

Writing this blog is an act of lament — naming losses from relationships, change, or grief. Lament is not mere complaining; it’s a spiritual practice to bring our honest hearts to God. As I invite prayer and reflect during long drives, music gives me hope and space to remember what was good. Through lament, I make room for healing and new learning which gives God’s hope. By bringing grief to Jesus, vision is clearer, gaining direction to again follow His Way.

Rev. Melanie Mar Chow serves God through Asian American Christian Fellowship, the campus ministry division of the Japanese Evangelical Missionary Society (JEMS). She has been an ordained American Baptist minister since 2004. A Pacific Northwest native, she currently lives with her husband and daughter in Southern California.