By Tina Teng-Henson

I remember venting frustrations about serving one particular group of leaders several years ago to an older friend. He was a wise doctor and an excellent listener who knew that group of leaders well. In response he prayed for me, and this was the phrase that stuck out to me when he did: “Lord, give Tina more of Your presence.”

More of Your presence. Your Presence. 

Presence. 

Somehow this reminded me that after all is said and done amidst church ministry, this is what we hope emerges. This is what we hope remains for ourselves and those we serve. 

A felt experience of God. His intangible yet real immanence (sense of closeness). Spiritual accompaniment. That constant companion who we perceive to be in attendance and involved.One who intimately knows better than all other beings, the ins and outs, the ups and downs, of your unique and individual life. 

Truth be told, this is and can be a very subjective thing to hope for. Some people simply don’t feel able to perceive or experience the presence of God, despite deeply searching and asking for it. I remember how in years past, people asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit and waited, wondering if anything would happen. 

My sense is that it is a gift from the divine to even be wired in such a way to feel something as non-material as what I’m describing. How do we describe God’s presence to others who may not have grown up with these categories? My college roommate, a scientist and doctor by training, seemed to be someone whose life simply didn’t operate with these understandings. I don’t know if this is someone who would ever want to receive the Holy Spirit, or the presence of God. (As I write this, I know there is a fine distinction between these two, but venturing to explain it may need to be a separate essay)

During seasons of deconstruction or a dark night of the soul, Christ’s felt presence may be absent or removed, for reasons unknown. Yet, if someone is fully given over to Christ, the Holy Spirit has taken up residence within them. However, the limitations of human perception and other challenges that arise may prevent an ongoing capacity to experience God’s presence. Mother Teresa’s life shows us that one could serve Christ with great effectiveness, yet experience great distance in one’s connection with the Lord. These dynamics could certainly be a great source of disappointment and sadness with God. Hopefully over time, this could change, and a person become able once again to experience a sense of Christ’s presence.  

When I find myself wanting to access God’s presence, I take a deep breath, and place my hand over my heart. I quiet myself, and consciously relax my body. 

I might pull out Psalm 139, which for years has spoken to me about God being inescapable. I could also read Jesus’ parting words as he commissions his disciples and promises, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). When I’m with my hospice patients, they often request Psalm 23, which in verse 4 reassures them that his presence provides comfort in dark valleys.  

Sometimes I turn on music that turns my heart to adoration and wonder, that lifts my spirit and reminds me of God’s transcendent beauty and majesty. Other times I turn to songs of lament that help me encounter the presence of the Lord in the midst of hardship. 

The important thing is that whatever I’m going through, I realize I can consciously try to calm and quiet myself. That so doing can help me feel the peaceful loving presence of God. In these moments of self-soothing, I realize I am like a weaned child with its mother, as it says in Psalm 131. Whether I can remember that particular feeling or not with my own mother, 42 years ago, I remember what it felt like to finish weaning my last child just 7 years ago. I remember feeling that palpable sense of relief and satisfaction we both felt as we did so. 

God’s presence is a lot like that of a very good parent who is loving, present and kind, gentle and humble in heart. Being able to create a moment in which I experience those feelings helps me connect to the Lord. As I write this, I think of my grandmother’s favorite Bible verse: “In your presence, there is fullness of joy…at your right hand, there are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). 

To you, dear reader, who may or may not be feeling fullness of joy for whatever reason, I am pausing to pray for you. Would you know Christ’s presence. Would I know his presence. And would this be for you and I both, a source of life, joy and pleasure forevermore. God bless you and keep you, now and always. 

Tina Teng-Henson serves as a spiritual director and hospice chaplain. As a wife and mother of three, she occasionally guest-preaches and teaches. When she’s not volunteering at her children’s schools, she plays volleyball, reads, and writes.