I’d like to share a meditation that my pastor facilitated this past Sunday with you all:
Imagine a neighborhood that you frequently go to. As you walk through it, notice that it’s early spring, and the sun is shining with a light breeze in the air. Breathe in deeply, and the air smells fresh and clean.
Imagine that you find a bench and sit down upon it. It has just the right amount of shade and a few warm rays of the sun stream in through the leaves. Sit there for a while.
It seems so long since I last wrote to you. I apologize for the lateness of this letter — I feel as though I have been so overwhelmed by my responsibilities and the chaos of this world that I didn’t have the time to sit down and write to you, let alone process my thoughts. But I know that our friendship goes beyond words: I am so thankful that, even after long periods without correspondence, we are able to pick up right where we left off.
As I write this, I am able to breathe a sigh of comfort because I do not have to preface myself or set the scene for you. You know me so well, that I can be my authentic, unapologetic self. It is because we can reconvene at any point in time that I know you are a true friend. Our conversations can last a minute or it can go on for hours! I can talk to you about anything: family, career, faith, politics, ecology, fears and concerns, my current obsession, finances, my hobbies, new recipes I want to try out… the list goes on forever! A true privilege to have such a friend in this day and age!
For much of my spiritual life, I didn’t consider Jesus to be my friend. Or, to be more precise, I didn’t think Jesus would consider me His friend. I knew all the essentials: God loves me, Jesus died for me, and the Holy Spirit breathed new life into me. These truths I had learned from the Bible, but I always read God’s love as if it were His obligation, a part of His divine job description. He had no choice but to love me.
But did He like me? Did He like me enough to invite me out for coffee or to simply hang out with me? I didn’t think so.
Another year has begun! When I was a child, the new year always felt fresh and new: a new calendar, new resolutions, new hopes. In spite of the fact that Christmas in all its lights and splendor was over, the new year still brought an excited anticipation of what could be.
Fast forward 25 years or so and now, I am in my mid-40s, looking at the new year with some hesitation and doubt. I wondered to myself the other day, Did I ever anticipate that being a Christian would become so confusing and difficult? Many of us surely know of those who have either left the Church completely, or who want to hold on to some semblance of their faith, but cannot find a church they can stand to be a part of. Political allegiances have been taken, dividing families, some marriages with husbands and wives on opposing sides, some generational divides widened all the more.
Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability—and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you; your ideas mature gradually—let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste.Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ excerpted from Hearts on Fire
When it comes to practical examples of self-control, I might automatically think of eating just a few potato chips instead of the whole family-size bag. Or spending within my budget instead of maxing out my credit card.
But over the last months, it seems that every email I write starts with an apology that it’s taken me so long to respond. I’m ready just in time for the next writing deadline, just in time for the next sermon, just in time for the next commitment. I usually do the weekend crossword puzzles to relax, but I’m four weeks behind — not that I have to do them every week, but it’s another indication of my lack of rest in this season of overcommitment.
To reflect upon self-control around the busy holiday seasons is a privilege in my eyes, as it has allowed me to take careful stock upon what I prioritize during the final two months out of the year. This year I planned further ahead than I typically would for holiday gifting. Very similar to Melanie’s reflections of her family doing research before shopping, I had the idea to complete all of my holiday shopping at the beginning of November, to allow me to take presents with me to my family in person, rather than worry about shipping delays during holiday crunch time.
While this was a success and I felt very content knowing that everyone had their presents accounted for, I forgot how much information we are inundated with no matter where we look during holiday shopping time! Deal after deal can be found in ads on social media or websites, and we are flooded with daily discounts within our email inboxes. Even when trying to stay off my phone, watching a video on a streaming platform on my television often includes ads for the latest and greatest gadget, gift, or holiday idea. There are copious amounts of gift lists available for all budgets and for all the people in one’s life.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. …let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:22,25 NIV
Saints, Sweets, and…Self-Control??
Fruit of the Spirit I want to be filled with it. Love, joy, peace….yes please kindness, goodness, gentleness…bring it on! and…self-control…Wait, what??
Gal 5:22-23 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
2 Tim. 1:7 – For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
In this season of Advent and Thanksgiving, the AAWOL writings about the fruit of the Spirit have blessed me by uncovering many helpful reflections to help us walk the path of life in Christ. As we finish this journey of being with the fruit collectively this year, we’ve learned something valuable. The most important of the “fruit” to manifest for God’s purposes is to be lived out framed with the first virtue — love.
Gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit has been one of the more complicated things for me to understand or even embrace. My struggle lies in the fact that traditionally gentleness has been touted as a much-sought-after feminine virtue, which in turn has been manipulated to subdue and oppress women and girls. Women and girls who talk confidently, laugh heartily, who choose to think and live independently, who refuse to stay silent in the face of assault and injustice, who demand equal rights and privileges are all suspect of lacking “gentleness.”
One of the things that surprised me most in this presidential election was how a large portion of young men gravitated toward the vision of aggression and control of the most vulnerable in our society. It feels like “gentleness” will once again be demanded of women, queer folks, immigrants, political, economic and climate refugees as a virtue for social control. The current political environment, not just in our country but also in many parts of the world, challenges me to a new imagination of gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit.
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