Photo by angela n.
By Joy Wong
I recently saw the movie Waiting For Superman in which there were brief clips of Michelle Rhee, chancellor of the District of Columbia Public Schools system of Washington, D.C. I had heard of her controversial leadership in educational reform, but I had never seen her face. Whether I agree with her position on education, there was one thing I was sure of — after watching her in action in those brief movie clips, taking on leadership as an Asian American woman in a challenging multi-ethnic arena, I found myself feeling incredibly empowered and encouraged. While I have no aspirations to become a chancellor of a public school system, all of sudden it wasn’t as hard to picture myself as one.
One of the things that consistently holds me back in regard to becoming a pastor or minister is that I can’t seem to picture myself as one. As a hospital chaplain, while others griped about the formal dress code for chaplains, I was inwardly glad of the requirement for suit jackets because I felt that everything else about my appearance — being a relatively young-looking Asian American woman — was working to disqualify me as a legitimate minister. When I imagine myself as a pastor, I imagine a vocation in which I’d have to emulate all things masculine, swearing off skirts and everything else remotely pretty and feminine. Essentially I find myself asking the question, Can I be all of who I am, and be a minister?
This is something I continue to wrestle with. Not only do I have a hard time picturing myself as a minister, I also imagine that others would have a hard time picturing me as a minister — and thus, accepting and respecting me as one — which makes it even less appealing to become a minister in the first place. What will it take to break out of this vicious cycle? I’m not sure. But as more people look at this question, I have hope that as a community, we can take strides forward to picture new possibilities, and to make those possibilities a reality, with courage and conviction.
Joy Wong completed a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. She and her husband currently attend New City Church of Los Angeles. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to aawolsisters@gmail.com.
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There is a saying: “Seeing is believing.” I’m glad that you saw Michelle Rhee in the film. Although she no longer serves in the position, at least she stretched the mainstream and minority communities’ imagination. For that reason, I rejoice her short-lived accomplishment (not to say that I necessarily agree with her educational philosophy)!
Sad to say, but I’ve often seen the reverse case on raw display, where unfitted leaders were in full swing and should have been put on brake!!! Out of such a dire context, I read your story this morning and feel refreshed by your struggle. I wish I could have seen some of your struggle among other leaders that I’ve seen. There are good sides of shame that keep humanity in check. But often, people who need some shame have none, and those who don’t need shame cannot shake it off. It is such a paradox!
Hey Young,
I’ve also recently heard stories of broken leaders who wield unchecked power to the detriment of others. On the one hand, it makes me think, “Why are the rest of us so timid when it comes to leadership when there are such confident and yet unqualified leaders out there?” and on the other hand, I wonder, “What is there to guarantee that we ourselves won’t fall into the same pitfalls when we’re in leadership?” I find it challenging to walk the line between confidence and arrogance, humility and self-deprecation.
Thanks for your comment! –Joy