Photo by aussiegall
By Chloe Sun
There is a saying in Chinese: “Two tigers cannot live in the same mountain.” It refers to the reality of two leaders who often cannot survive and thrive in the same realm. I think it applies to many of our ministry settings where two equally qualified and charismatic male leaders or two gifted and vocal female leaders have difficulty working together in the same realm. It is supposed that one would dominant the other, or there would be competition between the two.
As female leaders, we may face a dilemma. On the one hand, we do not want to feel alone in our ministry. On the other hand, we hesitate to have another female leader coming into our realm, for the fear that she would take the attention away from us or compete with us for influence.
This situation reminds me of a passage in the Book of Ecclesiastes:
9 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. 10 For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11 Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? 12 And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken (Eccl 4:9-12 ESV).
This passage is often used in wedding messages referring to the union of a couple. However, the real context behind the passage is obviously pointing to a working relationship between two men who labor together. I think we can apply the passage to a working relationship between two women as well.
Two women working together are better than one woman alone. Four reasons are given: (1) Broader ministry: They have good reward for their toil (v. 9b). Their ministry would be much more fruitful than what either of them could achieve on their own; (2) Better support: When one falls, the other can lift her up (v. 10). In times of stress, discouragement, or failure, the other can be a source of support and comfort; (3) Mutual company: Two can keep warm (v. 11). Two people can keep one another company through life’s ups and downs. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship rather than a competitive relationship; (4) Better Defense: Two are stronger than one to fight against the enemy. A common cause does not weaken a relationship, but rather unites it.
When another female leader shares ministry with us within the same realm, keeping in mind the above four advantages may save us from jealousy, competition, insecurity, and hurt feelings. The bottom line is “two are better than one.”
Chloe Sun, PhD., teaches Hebrew Scriptures at Logos Evangelical Seminary. She lives with her husband and son in Southern California. To contact Chloe, please send your inquiry to aawolsisters@gmail.com.
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Chloe, thanks so much for this biblically based exhortation and reminder! I’ve often found (with men AND women) the Queen Bee or King Cobra phenomenon at work. In other words, because there’s room for just one “minority” representative at the top, once that Bee (or Cobra) becomes Queen (or King), s/he does everything to keep other bees (or cobras) from usurping her/his position. Your encouragement to respond differently, as a mandate from scripture, is humbling and very gracious!
I’m wondering, too, whether we can simultaneously work as prophet against some of the dominant systems that perpetuate the “only-ONE-bee(cobra)-at-the-top” thinking or norms. If that culture is dismantled, then the competitiveness is more likely to diminish…? Just reflecting in hope that this would also be part of bringing God’s kin-dom on earth, as it is in heaven…. I welcome your thoughts. And thanks again for the inspiration to grace-ful leadership!
Hi Debbie,
I appreciate your comment. Once a leader becomes the queen at work, it is very difficult to step down and become the “consort” or a “commoner” when someone rises in the same realm. This phenomenon is well expressed through the story line of several Korean soap operas. I think if we take ourselves out of the picture and keep the kingdom perspective, our ministry would be an “incarnational” one, as you said, bringing God’s kingdom on earth.
First of all, we need to practice and live out that kingdom perspective before we can be prophetess against the system of “Only one bee/cobra at the top” mindset.
Chloe
Great discussion, Chloe & Debbie, and one that’s close to my heart. As someone who has a history of internal competitiveness and comparison, I know quite well the feeling of self-defeat and deflation that comes when I consider myself demoted from “queen bee” to “commoner.”
While I think a different image might be helpful, I can’t seem to come up with one. But something that helped me a great deal recently was when I watched my niece and nephew play. My nephew, who’s a little older, wouldn’t let my niece win at a game, even when she asked him to let her win. (And even when he won all the time.) As an adult, I watched this interaction and saw myself in my nephew — as someone who couldn’t stand losing. And yet, in that instance, I also saw how much the competition didn’t matter so much. This third-person perspective helped me to see myself differently — as someone who has already won a lot in her life, and who doesn’t lose anything or any worth if someone else wins.
Somehow, when I see myself this way, I see myself as rich enough, without anything to lose. While this struggle still hasn’t gone away completely, it’s eased up quite a bit. Hope this helps someone who’s reading.