Photo by visualpanic

By Margaret Yu

It has been said that how we wait for others oftentimes is an indication of our hearts. If we are able to wait calmly, people say that we are ‘patient’; the converse, then, being that we are impatient.  What is  not often emphasized is the condition of our hearts as we wait. Waiting gives us a window into our soul and core. Our relationship with waiting is a strong gauge of how we respond to or handle power. Hence, it is a helpful guide that may explain how we lead.

I usually do not like waiting. It makes me feel like I am wasting my time. I was on a phone call recently where they kept putting me on hold, and I was getting really peeved. Then it occurred to me that I was so frustrated because I felt that I was more important than the other person on the line.

If I feel like I need to be first or that things need to happen within my time frame, then I will get impatient.  These times serve as a good gauge in instructing me about my heart.   If I find it hard to wait, sometimes it means that I believe that others should jump when I tell them to jump; that because I am the one with the power, the universe really revolves around me.

In doing this, I am missing out on serving as a leader. As any parent would know, sometimes the journey is about the timing and sometimes it is the waiting that makes something God-defined. In order to enjoy the wait and not miss out on the special moments in life, I must be able to value others as much as I value my own desire for quick results. I must learn that sometimes it is God’s timetable that I must rely on and not my own. If I am not in this place, I must ask God to help me with it. (Having children or dealing with others who are very different from us are good growth steps for those who HATE waiting — a constant reminder to slow down, smell the roses, and get to know people… and to truly live life in the moment.)

As an Asian American leader, I have also noticed the other extreme of waiting as I become self-absorbed by my own passivity. Because I am the daughter of immigrant parents, sometimes I just wait for others to act while I sit, or I just expect others to tell me what to do because I believe that they should lead and that I should defer to my authorities. But the real focus here is that I may be depending on others to lead me or to do for me that which I should do for myself and/or others. Here, I am more comfortable with the ‘ease’ of waiting, in which case, I am still caught up in my own comfort rather than the greater good of others.

As I look deeper into my heart, I see something even more troublesome. Sometimes I wait in passivity because in my core, I believe that the only real power resides in the majority culture. As a minority in America, I grew up with a deep sense that I could never quite measure up. Early on as an AA leader, I would oftentimes find myself looking over my shoulder, facing doubts about my worth, deeply desiring someone to affirm me for being me, rather than having to be white enough.

We can see that the gauge light of waiting is not just about power, but ultimately how we see ourselves and how we relate to others.  In this way, these moments of waiting can be such a gift to us. They help me to see my true heart. With God’s help and that of my friends, reflections during these times can be turned into a blessing for empowerment.

I would love to hear about what you are learning about yourself in times of waiting. What are you learning about your leadership as you serve others?

Margaret Yu is the National Director of Leadership Development for Epic Movement, the Asian American Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.  Her passion is to empower Asian American leaders to lead while using their God given design and heritage.  She is a coordinator of the first Asian Pacific Islander Women’s Leadership Conference, to be held on May 3-5, 2012 in Los Angeles, CA.