Photo by mescon
By Joy Wong
Over the past several years, my vocational direction has become more and more clear. I know I want to go into pastoral ministry of some kind. I also know that I have a heart to help other Asian American women in ministry leadership, especially those who may be called to be a pastor, as I believe I have been. My hope is that by being open in my own struggles and lessons in the journey, others can be encouraged to know they are not alone and learn from my experiences, whether victories, failures, or something in between.
Thus, with a call towards pastoral ministry, I’ve received quite a bit of advice regarding the importance of ordination for women ministers. Despite the affirmation of women at Fuller Theological Seminary as well as some churches in southern California, on the whole, Asian and Asian American congregations in America are not all that open to women pastors. Some have even observed that 2nd generation Asian American congregations are even more conservative than 1st generation immigrant congregations on this issue. (Incidentally, church congregations in Asia are much more progressive, producing a plethora of women pastors.)
Furthermore, through conferences such as the Asian Pacific Islander Women’s Leadership Conference, I’ve learned more about what needs to be in place for me to even have a shot at ordination. Through the testimonies and tears of other women, I’ve learned that it’s not always as straightforward as everyone makes it out to be. I used to think that the battle was won if a church allowed for women pastors and women ordination. I’ve since learned that churches that support women pastors on paper but not in practice are prevalent.
Recently, I found myself discouraged at the length of time it’s taken for me to even discover my vocation, and then to meander towards it. I believe that I have been richly blessed with many mentors, peers, support from friends and family, and resources. However, in spite of all this, I still sometimes feel like I’m driving without a roadmap — taking turns and going down roads just to hit dead-ends and then having to turn back. The path has not been direct, easy, and time-efficient; rather, it’s required a lot of trial and error. With all the different roads I’ve taken, I feel like I’ve made a lot of false starts, and in frustration I often wonder, When am I going to make any real progress?
However, recently I was emailing directions to a friend as to how to find the exact location at Griffith Park to see a Shakespeare play. Being a very large park with multiple entrances, roads, and parking lots, it’s easy to get lost, despite the signs. However, I realized that I was able to give very clear directions precisely because I had gotten lost multiple times in the past. I was able to say things like, “Watch out for this left turn,” or “It’ll look like you’re supposed to park, but don’t park yet — drive around the edge of the lot and you’ll see that the road keeps going.” And guess what? My friends followed my directions and found the location without a problem.
Ironically, I got lost, once again, on my way there. I missed a turn, discovered I went too far, and then had to turn around and ask for help. But I’ve come to realize that every time I get lost, I have a more complete knowledge of the general terrain. I can now say, “If you’ve passed this street, you’ve gone too far. Not all entrances lead to the show location.” And even though I was lost, I was in no hurry because I had already seen the first half of the show on a previous occasion. So I took my time in finding my way back, and got there in time for the 2nd half of the show.
I often feel frustrated when I find myself lost in my journey towards ordained pastoral ministry. When I discover that I took a wrong turn and have to backtrack, I feel like I’ve wasted more time. But I’m comforted by the fact that with every wrong turn, I can provide better directions for others, and warn them of the tricks and pitfalls. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how long it takes me to get there, that I’m not to worry — I’ll get to my destination in time for what’s important; and also, that the journey is just as important as the destination, if not more.
Joy Wong is a contributing author to Mirrored Reflections: Reframing Biblical Characters, published in September 2010. She has an MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary, a BA in English from Princeton University, as well as four years’ experience in industrial distribution management. Joy has hopes of someday becoming an ordained minister, as well as a mom.
aawolsisters.com 
This is encouraging to me, and I’m sure it will be for friends to which I am about to send this! I miss pastoral work, and I am not quite sure where on the journey I am either. But you’re right, there is such value to the “being lost” part of all this. Thank you.
Rev. Carrie Graham
Fuller MDiv grad 2009
Thanks for your comment, Carrie! I’m glad to know you were encouraged, and relieved to know I’m not alone in feeling lost. May God bless us in our respective callings, with the courage and perseverence to press on in faith!
Joy, thank you for sharing your meandering journey toward ordination as a woman and nonwhite. Although advantageous to attend nondenominational seminary, it also has its disadvantage when seeking an ordination. I am able to compare and contrast as I serve ordination committee and has mentored seminarians from several denominational seminaries. They seem to have more closer ties with the denomination and get exposed early on to the denomination’s landscape. Besides, compared to white women in general who face less severe gender discrimination, and also find more female clergy mentors, ANA women seminarians and graduates find virtually no ANA female clergy role models who serve in the local churches. If lucky and find an endangered species, she is unlikely or cautious to pick up gender issues yet on women’s behalf. It is similar to ANA faculty in mainstream institutions before they get tenured. The unwritten rule floating around in academic circle is that you do ethnic scholarship after you get tenured. Obviously the color of tenure in many academic institutions is till white. Added to this gap is a vacuum of a giant local NT professor who passed on about 5 years ago. His class used to prepare both male and female seminarians for gender equality in ministry from NT perspective during ’90s. Regretfully this towering presence and voice has not been replaced yet and thus left a huge vacuum in a local seminary’s curriculum. Nevertheless, I am glad to know that you seem to be readily accepting a non-straight path of ordination and even making a room for detour. And I am confident that your calling to an ordained ministry will find a right place eventually. Meanwhile, we are in solidarity with you.
Thanks for your encouragement as always, Young, as well as offering your perspective and insights.
I can see how attending a denominational seminary would have been advantageous; at the same time, having come from a non-denominational evangelical background without a clear idea of what I wanted to do after seminary (and without the slightest idea of the importance of ordination), it would have been near-impossible for me to be open to anything other than a non-denominational seminary (largely because I went to seminary envisioning that I’d be ministering in the same kinds of church circles that I grew up in; it’s only recently that I’m awakened to the harsh reality that I may have to let that dream go).
Regardless, I’m thankful — thankful for a place like Fuller to serve as an inclusive middle ground in which I can be myself and still consider other denominations, thankful for God’s ever-present provision and guidance, and thankful for my AAWOL sisters for journeying with me through thick and thin!
I’m fortunate to be one of those younger women who are navigating the way forward with more hope because of people like you!! I also never thought I’d be thinking about pursuing ordination. (Even typing that feels weird!) THANK YOU, once again, Joy!
Tina, the knowledge that you’ve been encouraged brings meaning to my journey, so thank you:) Incidentally, there’s been some discussion among the AAWOL women about how we can resource Asian American women who are navigating the ordination path, so stay tuned!
Joy,
I had never thought of comparing the road to ordination to getting lost in a park, but being directionally impaired, the analogy works for me.
It’s great to see you responding to God’s call and not being afraid of getting lost. Your experience will make the road shorter and perhaps even easier for sisters to come.
Bon Voyage! and may the journey truly be blessed!
Grace, it’s the sharing of your experiences with me and your consistent follow up with me re: ordination that has definitely made my journey shorter and easier, however lost I may be in the moment. I’m so thankful for your influence in my life, and I hope to someday be able to pay it forward:)
Joy, it’s so thrilling to see how the sharing of your not-so-straight journey speaks to other, hopefully younger, women. I know that’s particularly meaningful for you because at least a portion of your motivation for starting on this journey is precisely for those women, especially Asian American women, who will follow.
Having been in the Academy for so long now, I nearly gave up on ordination. But being in dialogue with the AAWOL group, and you in particular, has re-enlivened this dream and inspired me to consider it once again. I’m watching your every step…so as to shorten my own journey…LOL! Stay tuned!!