Photo by Robb North
By Joy Wong
Despite the fact that I’ve been getting my ducks lined up to start the ordination process and I’m enrolled in a spiritual direction certification program, the day-to-day reality of my life right now is that of a stay-at-home mom. I’ve certainly had my ups and downs, good days and bad days, but on the whole, it’s been a great joy.
One of my greatest struggles, however, is watching those around me accomplish much and do impressive things with their passions and vocations. I find myself thinking, I have gifts and can do good work too! but the reality is that no, I really can’t do very much right now as a mom of a 1-year-old. At least, certainly not at the same rate as other people.
The work of taking care of a baby is hard work, but I also feel like it’s “secret” work. There are no accolades, markers of progress, no applause, no praise. It’s work that takes place in a separate sphere of society apart from the all-important meetings, discussions, and mainstream ministries.
With this “secret” work, I also find it challenging not to feel forgotten — forgotten by the world, by my former colleagues and classmates, by those who had high hopes in me to do God’s work. And as I lose myself in the work of parenting, I even sometimes forget myself, and most concerningly, I feel forgotten by God.
However, as I ruminate on these things, Matthew 6:1-4 keeps coming to mind:
Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven. So whenever you give alms, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be praised by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your alms may be done in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you. (NRSV)
My comfort in this passage is not so much the reward that God promises for those who give in secret, but rather that our Father in heaven is one who sees. While my theology books are gathering dust and ministry opportunities are bypassed for the time being, while my dreams of pastoring have been put on hold and as I struggle to value myself apart from what I do — I am seen, in my struggle, by God in heaven.
To be seen sounds like so little, but it is so very significant to someone who feels invisible. I pray that when it’s my turn to join the ranks of those in ministry, that I might have eyes to see those invisible to mainstream society. Our Father in heaven sees what is in secret. I pray that I might learn how to do the same.
Joy Wong is a contributing author to Mirrored Reflections: Reframing Biblical Characters, published in September 2010. She has an MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary, a BA in English from Princeton University, as well as managerial experience in industrial distribution. Joy and her family attend Northland Village Church.
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I so, so relate to your experience, Joy! I was very humbled when I became a mom and realized how much I had depended on the accolades of others to establish my worth on a daily basis. I’m thankful that God knows how important it is for us to be seen–and that he never forgets us.
Thanks for your comment, Dorcas! I’m glad that I’m not alone in this:) I thought being an Asian American woman in ministry was already enough marginalization, but becoming a stay-at-home mom just put me even further out from the center than I could have imagined. Perhaps I just need to get comfortable in the margins, rather than trying to escape it:)
Joy, I hear you. It is hard to go from a busy life involving much more adult conversation to feeling like you are talking to yourself at times (when you are “modeling” a rich language environment). Now, as veteran mom of three with the last one at 2 1/2 years old (going on 15!!), I say – enjoy and cherish this time with your little one! Yes, it is hard work, but so worth it! Soon enough you will be juggling your activities AND your kids’ and these precious moments – this season of “being” with your child – will be a memory to revisit when you can. This invisible and “secret” work is the foundation for much more to come…
Maria — thanks for sharing your valuable perspective as a veteran mom! Any advice on when and how to begin juggling ministry-related work with caring for your kids? (I’m trying to decide whether to take an ordination course this summer. Seems like we can make it work, but it’ll be tiring. But when I ask other veteran moms about it, they seem to think getting it in earlier is better — before more kids come, and while my baby is still small and manageable.)