Photo by Thangaraj Kumaravel

By Joy Wong

I’ve been feeling old lately. Last November, I turned 36. As my big brother put it, I am now “closer to 40 than I am to 30.”

Of course, whether I am old or not depends on who you ask. To those in junior high who were born before 9/11 and have never heard of U2, I am most definitely old. To those who are grandparents and were alive during World War II, I am young. But whether I am considered old or young by others, there is something undeniable to myself about the shift to feeling old.

One of the reasons for this feeling is that we now own a house and therefore have a mortgage. Gone are the days of renting, which came with the feeling of mobility and freedom to pick up and go wherever we wanted to.

Another reason that I feel old is because of physical ailments. Allergies are affecting me severely these days, the cause of which is a mystery to the doctors who can only prescribe drugs to deal with the symptoms. My teeth and eyesight seem worse these days as well. I feel like my body is deteriorating.

Finally, having kids makes me feel old. When thinking about the future, when our kids go to college, inevitably I do the math: In 16 years, my daughter will be in college and I will be 36+16=52 years old. And then I imagine myself at 52 years of age, which suddenly doesn’t seem that far away. I also think about how old my kids will be at the end of my life: Let’s say I live to 70 years old, then my son will be 70-36=34 years old. Thinking about this makes the end of my life seem more real and much closer than before. It makes me count my days…

…which should be a good thing, right? It brings to mind Psalm 90:12: “So teach us to count our days that we may gain a wise heart” (NRSV). Counting my days, and keeping the end of my life in mind, can seem morbid and depressing. I am nostalgic about my younger days, when I never thought about death or aging, and it seemed like life would go on forever and ever.

But Scripture teaches us, in more than one place, that counting our days leads to wisdom, which is supposed to be a good thing. Those guided by wisdom in life are better off than those guided by folly. Despite knowing this in my head, I still have yet to come to a full understanding and appreciation of what is gained with the wisdom that comes with counting my days.

For now, what I do know is this: Counting my days is sobering. It makes me realize that my life is going by quickly, that nothing lasts forever, and that precious moments need to be cherished, not as something that can be held onto forever, but as a gift in the present only. It also reminds me that hard times are temporary and will pass too. Nothing is forever but God – the one and only guaranteed anchor in our short and fleeting lives.

Joy Wong is a contributing author to Mirrored Reflections: Reframing Biblical Characters, published in September 2010.  She has an MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary, a BA in English from Princeton University, as well as managerial experience in industrial distribution.  Joy and her family attend Northland Village Church.