Tina’s children, Beatrice and Peter, with her maternal grandparents

By Tina Teng-Henson

As I reflected on what the Lord might want me to write about, one word kept coming to mind — this Hebrew word ‘toledot’ — which means “generations.”

I recall learning about this word in a class I took on the Pentateuch years ago with Dr. Gordon Hugenberger (who recently retired as senior minister of historic Park Street Church in Boston). The Wikipedia article isn’t super helpful but this is: http://www.lanz.li/index.php/9-article-for-edification/12-the-toledot-structure-of-genesis. Essentially, “the repetitive use of the word תולדות toledot (King James Version: “generations”) seems to be a key to understand the structure of Genesis and the development of thought within the book.” That “Toledot, then, is almost like a title or summary of the story which is about to take place. However,

contrary to what one might expect, the accounts are not essentially about the titular ancestor but about his descendants. For instance, the accounts of the lines of Terah, of Isaac, and of Jacob are primarily about their offspring: Abraham, Jacob and the twelve sons of Israel, respectively. (Bruce Waltke, Genesis, p. 18)”

Ah-ha, I mused to myself. It’s not about me. It’s about my kids. Generations. That makes sense.

The reason why all of this is meaningful to me — and why I’m choosing to write about this to this particular audience of Asian American women in leadership is because…

We’re pregnant again! With our third!

Why is this such is a big deal for me? Well, I’m serving full-time at an amazingly diverse, incredibly gifted, large regional church in the Bay Area (check us out at www.NBCCbayarea.com). It’s ten times larger than the last church community I served, and sometimes the sheer magnitude of the increase in scale alone has been enough to tax my poor brain. Some days, I’ve had to come home and go to sleep as soon as possible just to rest my mind! It’s my first context in which they’ve called me a pastor from the beginning. I’ve had to figure out how to live into that title and calling, even though I’ve been working towards that for almost a decade. In my role, I oversee our church’s small group communities — of which there are about 60! Over half of our congregation of about 1100 adults is involved in these Life Groups — so about 550-600 people — and counting. Things are growing and it has been a very exciting and very full 9 months since I started the role in October.

AND we have these two gorgeous little kids who are cute beyond belief. I am always saying to my husband John, “aren’t they just so CUTE?!” They’re half-Chinese, half-Caucasian, and just adorable.

Initially, I was concerned about how I’d manage my workload and responsibilities. God knew I already felt stretched beyond where I had ever been before, that I was starting to call my existence “cruciform,” that I didn’t think I’d be able to handle work, two kids, and then a third.

But the Lord must also have known that even my anxiety or concern was predicated on a framework that was putting work first — and family second. And You somehow knew in your greater wisdom that being pregnant would naturally, kindly, and graciously, enable me to literally put family first, and ministry work second. And so gently guide me into good pasture.

Pregnancy somehow has been marked by this for me (I recognize this is not universal, so please don’t judge or hate, friends, this is just how it’s been for me): I might be more physically tired and needing to nap while pregnant — but otherwise, I’m just so much happier. I feel more alive, more drawn to attending to my sweet husband and my darling children. I don’t know exactly what is in that wonderful cocktail of pregnancy hormones and endorphins, but I love being pregnant! I feel greater internal resolve — I felt more eager to give my very best on our trip to Guatemala — I feel I have even more to live for.

Now the first year AFTER giving birth has typically been the greatest challenge for me. Those years have been some of the most difficult: personally, professionally, maritally, and more. Hence my wanting to stall a few more months to consider carefully how bringing another child into the world would impact me!

But I think God in his greater wisdom and kindness has given us this precious pregnancy to show me yet again — that in the structure of his universe, it’s not really about achieving success in my work, hitting milestones and numerical goals, the like. That’s not what you go home or on vacation and talk to your friends about. I might have wanted people to ask me about my awesome new job — but really, we just wanted to talk about our kids. And spend time with them. And goof off and be silly and play and laugh — just like our kids were doing. And all I want at the end of my life is to be happily married to and in love with my husband — to have made time for him — and to have enjoyed the sweet work of making and raising babies together…

So — here’s to generations. Toledot. Marriage and family and children…and the kinds of stories and structure, ministry and mission, that flow from those first things. First things first, second things second. To God be the glory!