Photo by banoootah_qtr

By Jerrica KF Ching

When I was in elementary school I was convinced that my best friend would be my best friend forever.  I had a BFF locket that I shared with her which further reinforced this belief.  My views on friendship were very static at the time; you make a friend and you keep that friend forever.  It should be simple, right?

Now as I am in my late-twenties, I am recognizing more than ever just how fluid friendship can be.  I have several friends who have gotten married, have children, are focusing on their careers, moving halfway across the nation, the list goes on.  Amongst these friendships, I have discovered that sometimes my friends don’t tell me everything, and that is very much okay.

Initially I felt sad and slighted; why was my friend talking to someone else when she usually tells me everything?  Am I going to lose her as a friend?  Is there something wrong with me and am I incapable of maintaining friendships?  After a bit of a panic and a much needed round of prayer and affirmation, I realized many things.  I realized that my friend who is about to get married may not want to talk to me about the price of flowers.  I realized that my other friend who is pregnant wanted to speak with other moms and moms-to-be about nursery room paint colors.  I realized that my friend who moved to a different state on the east coast hasn’t been keeping in touch because she found the job of her dreams and the time difference is extreme between our states.

Although our lives were leading us in different directions, this didn’t mean that our friendship needed to suddenly come to a dead end.  Friendships will constantly evolve depending on life circumstances, and this is my new view on friendship that I am learning not only to accept, but also to embrace.

I appreciated Diana Gee’s piece on spiritual friendships last week, recognizing how earthly friendships do matter beyond our earthly deaths. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” With this verse I am reminded that sometimes being in different phases of life may change how my friends and I communicate with one another, but that doesn’t mean we need to stop supporting one another or building one another up.  This verse reminds me that within God’s plan for each of us, there are certain times in our lives when God will have our friendships evolve, and this is all for the better.

Friendships can and will evolve over time.  I can choose to be frustrated about small, fleeting moments in time, or I can choose to embrace the wonderful gift of evolving friendship that God has given me.  New friendships can form and current friendships can evolve, whenever God deems it right to do so.

May each of you reading this today be reminded about how blessed we are to have a God who has allowed us to have evolving friendships, allowing us to be sharpened by others and shaped by God into the women of Christ that God wants us to be.

Jerrica KF Ching lives in the beautiful state of Washington and works as a Mental Health Primary Care Provider serving children, adolescents, and their families at Columbia Wellness.  She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University and is working towards becoming a licensed marriage and family therapist. Her research on racial colorblindness has recently been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.