Photo by Marco Verch Professional Photographer

By Jerrica KF Ching

Within the definition of liberality, the key point that stood out to me is the giving of something for the benefit of others, in appropriate amounts so that we are not hoarding, but also so that we are emptying ourselves. For many of us here at AAWOL, as well as our readers, we find fulfillment in serving others. But what happens when we give so much of ourselves, that we soon burn out and begin running on fumes?

As a mental health therapist, a great deal of my work is teaching clients how to set boundaries with others. Clients of all ages report to me that they are stuck, uncertain, and feel torn within their interpersonal relationships with others. I help them process the pros and cons of what happens when boundaries are set. A pro is that they are protecting their emotional wellbeing, and finding their own voice and identity within conflict. A con is that the other party may inflict feelings of guilt, retaliation, or fear when a boundary is set.

A parallel process occurs when I help clients set boundaries; there are some clients who do not possess assertiveness skills, and may need additional support. What this looks like is often that I, as the therapist, will be the one to invite the other party to our session, contact a schoolteacher to voice concerns from a parent, or communicate needs to our medication management team. When I do this however, it soon becomes a habit, and rather than clients learning to advocate on their own, I soon become the messenger. I have inadvertently enabled a client into believing that they are unable to do things on their own. Was this my intent? Of course not! But sometimes in our desire to show care, compassion, and help for others, we often give so much of ourselves for the sake of others well-being.

As I reflect on the word, liberality, I am reminded that giving for the benefit of others is a gift God gave to me, yet not a gift meant to be given away completely. 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 captures this for me: “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”

For all of us that use our gifts to help others, may we remember that finding the balance between giving all and giving nothing at all is something that God has intended for us to learn and understand. Setting boundaries and practicing liberality does not make us stingy, but keeps us going so we can continue to share God’s work through our service to helping others.

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist at Columbia Wellness. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. She finds joy in sharing her compassion with students on the importance of recognizing and acknowledging racial and cultural differences in others. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.