Photo by Sundaram Ramaswamy

Like many Asian societies, I grew up in what is understood as an “honor culture.” My experience of that honor culture had much to do with earning public esteem and recognition. Looking back, I can see that much of what I did and said were, indeed, guided by the principle of, “What will people say?”

Over the years, mainly through painful experiences, I have come to a place of understanding that true honor is not so much about external validation but much more about personal integrity and a fearless authenticity.

For too long, I mistakenly believed that honor was about being “liked” by everyone or that honor was about affirming and perpetuating centuries-old traditions (at all cost) or even that “I” am responsible for the upholding or the demise of my family honor!

Protecting the perceived “honor” of the family or group often meant there was no room for mistakes, especially the public kind! Forgiveness, love and reconciliation were conditional, which told me in turn that the message of God’s redemption of all humanity could never be fully embraced within such expectations.

The need for a God-honoring authenticity came to the forefront recently at a church I was called to. I had experienced much public esteem and recognition of an impactful ministry with the parish. It was tremendously seductive to coast on the goodwill and love of the congregation by keeping the status quo of the community. As I got invited to share in the faith journeys of individuals as well as the faith journey of a congregation, the question of what it means to honor the Body of Christ confronted me in the light of some systemic problems before me.

A living and growing body, which I believe the Body of Christ is, inevitably negates the very notion of a status quo and I knew I must once again scrutinize my long-held ideals of what the “church” should be as well as well as what the shepherd of a church should do or be. As I went through the test of leadership and authority while implementing some major changes for the church, it became increasingly clear to me that real honor lies in prayerfully discerning where and how I must engage the authority given me the moment I was called to be shepherd of that Body of Christ.

Currently, as I try to fit the mantle of a rector for the first time, with more authority and power, I am acutely aware of the call for authenticity, especially before God — to be able to truly honor God’s call upon this congregation to bear witness to His grace, which seeks to transform not merely individuals but the community. I am beginning to appreciate the complexities of embracing the honor of engaging with God in the work of transformation. I am looking to understand what it means for the “us” to uphold the honor of this Body of Christ. I believe, to become that “us” requires not just unconditional love, forgiveness and reconciliation, but also it requires vulnerability and total surrender to the work of the Holy Spirit, which often turns out to be like nothing we were expecting.

Ajung Sojwal is Rector of St. George’s Episcopal Church in Hempstead, NY.