Photo by Randy Pantouw

By Joanne Moon

The collision of social media and motherhood has greatly magnified the collective privilege and the struggle, the beauty and its mess, the mundane, the terror – the terror of the mundane – of raising little children in this day in age. The flood of images and words, cutting-edge information and latest fashion all serve to establish a backdrop upon which we are invited to create meaning in our seasons of loving and living with these ever-evolving beloveds of God.

In this ongoing phenomenon, the word “temper” has become dressed almost exclusively to the behavior of a growing child in all their Instagram-worthy highs and lows. “Temper tantrum” is now a ubiquitous term that we know to roll our eyes over or nod in exasperated agreement, its vision flowing with creative juices to coin new phrases like “terrible twos”, “threenager”, “feisty four” or “fournadoes”… the possibilities are endless with your trusty Thesaurus by your side.  The short answer: temper is a monster, a beast, something to tame from inconveniencing and ruining our sovereign adult plans.

So can temper be good? What is temper – what is the nature of temper? Its broadest definition from Merriam-Webster Dictionary conveys something of a disposition, “a characteristic cast of mind or state of feeling.” It goes on to suggest a “state of feeling or frame of mind at a particular time usually dominated by a single strong emotion.” Most specifically, it is “heat of mind” or “calmness of emotion.” Spiritual and psychological literatures use the phrase “good temper” interchangeably with equanimity or level-headedness, thus adding momentum in the direction of calmness as the dictionary definition proposed.

From there, I am drawn to delve a little deeper into this virtue of good temper. What would it be to go beyond behavioral observance and outward maintenance of its looks? What would it be to peek into its inner motivation and landscape for a richer understanding of this virtue of good temper, and to embody this will of God with joy?

Both Old and New Testament tell us something about this outward appearance versus inward reality in the Christian life, this inside-outside interplay to which we ought to pay close attention. Proverbs 4:23 tells us: “[a]bove all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Jesus affirms this in Luke 6:45 by teaching that “[a] good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Scriptures like these invite us to recognize that living a virtuous life in Christ always and necessarily springs forth from the inside out in response to Christ in us, rather than as a reaction to every changing, ever-changing seasons and terrains on this journey with God.

What would it be to do the long-suffering work of cultivating a garden in our deep places, where the good fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control grow in all seasons, feeding and providing shade for others who are also facing life’s tossing and turning waves? What would it be to live from this disposition of good temper because we are always connected directly to the source of living water that never dries?

Good temper can only be sustained by this ever-present, ever-available flow of the living water. Its life-giving power does not simply restrain our beastly urges but retrains the mind and the heart and the body to respond to life’s stress from a place of abundance, not lack. In deeply honoring this connection with God as a priority, the virtue of good temper looks like spaciousness of the heart that allows me to feel all the things without fear because Holy Spirit is the one that holds space for us, having borne the weight of the shameful, condemning forces of the universe upon His own body, Christ’s body. Then, good temper is not simply a disposition we are born into by genetics or even good parenting, thus excluding many – too many in this broken world – but the result of an all-inclusive gift of spiritual rebirth by which all who profess Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior are forever connected to the Eternal God who never leaves nor forsakes us.

Practicing the virtue of good temper requires noticing. First, we must become aware of God who is always with us as revealed in Scripture. Worship, prayer, Scripture meditation, communion and fellowship with other believers surround us with the truth of who God is – that God is with us, always with us. The God who sent his only Son into this messy world full of temper tantrums and tears, He is in our midst today because those things could not drive him away in exasperation or despair; rather, God drew himself closer to us with compassion and love.

Second, Emmanuel, God with us, gives us the inspiration and the courage to participate in what He is already doing. Romans 8:1 states confidently: …”there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” God notices our feelings of inadequacy, being misunderstood, or being jealous, and is with us still, not in condemnation, but in love. We no longer have to fight ghostly apparitions that threaten our worth and demand our bow; instead, we are changed by the One who is holding them all back with a mighty arm to save us and love us and bring us back to God.

God is our reality. When we live there with God in full view, we are calmed and quieted in God’s presence. From the rising of the sun, to the setting of the same, through the nights both howling and holy, we are like a weaned child with its mother, like a good-tempered child, come what may.

Joanne Moon is a wholehearted wife and mom who is prayerfully and playfully engaging the world through conversation with God and people. She is in deep study of soul care and spiritual formation and grapples with race, disability and community as a necessary part of that conversation. She loves to write, take pictures and tell a story. She loves to look you deep in your soul and listen to yours, too. Together with her husband and three children, they are navigating the adventure that autism brings with God’s enduring companionship and the support of family and friends.