I am sorry that we seem to have drifted apart lately. Maybe you are thinking that I have changed — I am no longer always agreeing, always approving, always complying. But it is only because I want to be your truer and better friend.

Growing up, I was taught by my family and my culture that saying no meant rebellion and defiance, and that nobody liked such a daughter, student, or friend. So I learn to be a pleaser, to hide my feelings and opinions, to be nice and easy-going.

Perhaps that was how I made friends and kept my friendships. Perhaps that was what you liked about me — I was nice and easy-going. But that wasn’t the real me — that was the me who was created and shaped by the world, not the me who was created and intended to be by the Father God. The world had cloned me to be like whoever I am with, to be an echo (always agreeing) and a shadow (always following). You might have enjoyed having an echo and a shadow, but what good does it do to you except to boost your ego? You deserve more than that; you deserve a better friend. I deserve more than that; I deserve more than being your echo and shadow.

You might ask, why this sudden change? Well, it is not that sudden, but just part of my journey in growing in God, knowing Him and knowing me. Knowing God — the Trinitarian relationship is one of unity, not sameness; It is one of mutual love, not one directional; It is one of trust and respect, not of demanding and conforming. Knowing me – I am created as one with value; I am loved by God for who I am, not what I do or what I say; I am different, and He loves me, likes me and enjoys me for my uniqueness.

As I go from being an echo to finding my voice, as I go from being a shadow to finding my self, please be patient with me. Lend me your listening ear as I form and share my thoughts. Encourage me as I learn to stand up and walk on my own feet. And be gracious to me when what I say seems unpleasant to you or where I stand seems unfamiliar to you.

Please know that my heart is still for you and with you. I treasure the time we had spent together, and I desire for better times ahead. I treasure the friendship we had built up, and I desire to deepen it further. Will you allow me and help me to become your truer and better friend?

~ from your friend, from my heart to yours

Wendy Choy-Chan came to North America from Hong Kong when she was 15. After graduating with a MScE, she worked as a telecommunications engineer for a few years before becoming a full-time mom. She earned her MA in Theology at Fuller Theological Seminary in 2016, and is now serving with Becoming What God Intended Ministries. Despite living in the coffee capital (Seattle), Wendy enjoys scouting out tea shops with her husband and two daughters.