Photo by Giuseppe Milo

By Jerrica KF Ching

I view gender as an aspect of one’s culture and one’s self-identity. Gender is multi-faceted, and comes complete with biases, prejudices, and everything in between. In an article by Tinkler, Zhao, Li, and Ridgeway (2019), social invisibility is described as certain behaviors that are generally less seen, heard, or recalled. Social invisibility can work in both positive and negative ways; those who are viewed as socially invisible may not face criticism from others, but they also may not be noticed for helpful contributions.

Additionally, the authors go on to propose that for Asian Americans, both men and women are stereotyped as more feminine and nonaggressive compared to White men and women. The authors hypothesize that an Asian American woman who strives for leadership, autonomy, and change, would be expected to face more backlash compared to other women of other cultures as these types of behaviors go against the common stereotype. Due to social invisibility however, the Asian American woman would, in fact, experience less backlash.

So what are we, as Asian American women, to do in this predicament? I would imagine that many, if not all, of us who are writing for AAWOL are those who do strive for leadership, autonomy, and change. So how do we balance our desire to utilize God’s gifts within us, without fear that we will face either backlash or ignorance? I know I am guilty of calling my own mother a dragon lady, which can be viewed as a stereotypical label for an Asian woman who is assertive and speaks her mind. I would imagine that there are others who’ve done the same, or who’ve been called “dragon lady” by others.

At work if I choose to speak up at a meeting, I may often lead with “I’m sorry, but I wanted to say…” when there is nothing to apologize for. I believe as Asian American women we often have to calculate every detail of our interactions out of fear that we will be viewed as dragon ladies, and as a result, we often become apologetic and are thus viewed as passive. Sometimes it feels like there is no in-between. Assertion and speaking one’s mind are not negative traits in and of themselves; however they become associated in this negative way when directed towards Asian American women. Am I contributing to a perpetuation of gender roles in this way?

Reverend Melanie Mar Chow’s reflection on gender harmony resounds deeply within me, as I do believe that social invisibility is perpetuated when there is a lack of embracement and acknowledgement. We as Asian American women need to embrace our leadership roles, while men around us need to acknowledge disparities. If one of these is lacking, then as a whole we cannot thrive. Additionally, we as Asian American women also need to learn to embrace one another. Criticizing clothing choice, conversation subjects, or interactions with one another will only increase negative beliefs, stereotypes, and social invisibility.

There is a major difference between accepting something and negating all differences versus accepting something and embracing these differences. “You’re the same as me” does not give the same message as “I accept you for who you are.” To be more visible to others around us, whether it is in our work environment, our church, or even our own homes, let’s also strive to accept ourselves for who we are, our differences from men, and our differences from other cultures as well.

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist at Columbia Wellness. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. She finds joy in sharing her compassion with students on the importance of recognizing and acknowledging racial and cultural differences in others. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.