Photo by Dean Hochman

By Diana Kim

Though it only began a few weeks ago, the chaos amidst COVID-19 seems to have lasted much longer. While news of the virus spreading overseas was known, it didn’t become a reality for us until we witnessed our neighbors massively buying water and toilet paper, as if they were preparing for the apocalypse. Watching others in this pursuit, we joined in on the hoarding, leaving shelves at grocery stores and pharmacies empty, desolate. It wasn’t enough for us to have the necessary supplies; we demanded more. In our demand for more toilet paper, we yelled at grocery store employees, fought with other customers, and took away resources from those desperate just so we could feel a sense of peace during a confusing time. 

Do we acknowledge those who are putting their lives on the line during this time – not just the doctors and nurses in the hospitals (of course their work is crucial) — but also those working the “essential” jobs, those working in grocery stores, who are constantly making themselves vulnerable to exposure so that the rest of us might have the supplies we need? These employees are in the crossfire between the healthy and the sick, between the toilet paper and those who are in need of the toilet paper.

Various cities and states have called for some version of a lockdown; in Los Angeles we are under a “Safer at Home” order, during which we isolate ourselves – to the best of our ability — and practice safe social distancing to prevent more spreading of the virus. We have isolated ourselves. Now we are alone with all the supplies we have hoarded at the beginning of this chaos. But do the supplies we fought so hard to get bring us any sense of comfort? In isolation, do we find comfort and delight in having a mountain of toilet paper or do we seek comfort and delight in something — someone — greater? A man in Tennessee had stockpiled resources such as hand sanitizer and wipes, essential during this chaos, with hopes of profiting off of them by selling them at ridiculously marked-up prices. While I cannot speak about any remorse he felt about taking advantage of the situation, I can say that his reputation was tarnished. The goods we hoard can only provide so much comfort. During these confusing times, it won’t be hand sanitizer or Charmin toilet paper that gives us a sense of peace; it won’t be our knowing that we have a stockpile of hand sanitizer that gives us a sense of calm. We cannot delight in these goods.

Why have we hoarded these goods and left grocery stores as vacant wastelands? We seek these goods because that is one aspect of our lives we can control- what we seek then is control during a time of confusion, a time when we don’t know who is safe or who is ill, a time when we don’t know when all of this will end. But control can only get us so far, and control will give us only a small sense of peace. What we need then is to find delight. Instead of worrying about what we don’t have, why not spend the time being thankful for what we do have? Instead of worrying about the unknown and seeking control, why not take delight in what we are certain of?

In my own roller coaster of thoughts and emotions during this ongoing pandemic, I realize that what is necessary is not my obsession with the materials that I want to hoard, but my delight and knowing that in the midst of confusion there is still hope. I am taking delight in those who sacrifice to provide for the rest of us: the doctors who are treating patients with the virus, the store clerks who provide us with the goods we need, the restaurant workers who provide food, etc. At the end of the day, there is no genuine charm in Charmin, but there is delight in knowing that there are those who work diligently for the greater community.

Diana Kim is a pastor of a local Korean church in Torrance, CA. Her primary goals in serving are to teach and equip the next generation to be passionate for Jesus and to live out His passion and care for the world. Diana is currently a PhD student at Fuller Theological Seminary and is majoring in Christian Ethics. Her current research area of interest is Asian American feminist ethics.