Photo by Matthias Ripp

By Diana Gee

A few months ago, I was in conflict with my credit card company. I was taken by a fraudulent website masquerading as a well-known brand. Even though I immediately reported the mistake my credit card company still requested absurd documentation before they would reverse the charges. After several email chains and months of going back and forth, I had enough. I finally demanded my credit card company reconcile my credit otherwise I will close my account and take my business elsewhere.

That experience reminded me of the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18. A woman, with no husband to protect her, has to plead her case before an unjust judge. She goes to him repeatedly until he finally relents and grants her justice against an unnamed foe. I picture a defiant woman, shaking her fist and shouting until her voice goes hoarse or people take her away. This story, according to Jesus, is a lesson in prayer. If a deeply flawed judge will grant justice to a persistent woman, will not God in His infinite mercy answer His children who cry out in need?

I know this parable is about the character of God but it could also reveal something about how we are to relate to God. What if she gave up after the first, second or third time? What if she never raised her voice or stood her ground? What if she never questioned the injustice of her situation? What if she never asserted herself?

Self-assertion is playing out in interesting ways now that Covid-19 is dominating our lives. Arguing for fraud protection is one thing. Responding to a pandemic that has shut down the world is another. I notice the ways I am questioning my abilities, my experience….my voice. What can I offer? What can I say that would be of comfort or use? Furthermore I feel sheepish, almost guilty, when I seek more stillness when so many are battling on front lines and serving the most vulnerable.

To be assertive requires a measure of confidence and I have confidence when I know what to say and I know what to ask for.  This is difficult to do in times of incredible uncertainty. But if my past experiences have taught me anything it is this: I am God’s beloved and I can go to Him for anything. I might not get what I want, but I will receive what I need in this life because God is in it. In the way of Ignatian spirituality, we can assert that God can be found in all things. Even in little things like you and me.

The fist-shaking widow reminds me that I can name the wrongs and I can ask for mercy.  We are not made for pandemics. We are not designed for physical disconnection. We are not built to be alone and to feel useless. Oh Lord, have mercy on your creatures who are scared, tired, and yet so wonderfully brave.  Help us, strengthen us and please, make things right. We will keep asking until You do.

Diana Gee is ordained as the Associate Pastor of Faith Community Christian Church in Vancouver, Canada. She is a second-generation, Chinese Canadian, born and raised in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She is trained as a structural engineer (B.Sc. in Civil Engineering, University of Alberta) and has worked in consulting for six years. She completed her master’s degree at Regent College (M.Div.) in 2011 and will be starting doctoral studies this fall at Fuller in Spiritual Direction.