Photo by Chad Sparkes

By Tina Teng-Henson
Subversion:
Every now and then,
Jesus hijacks my heart
and captures it anew.

He’ll whisper something to me
in the early morning stillness,
as I’m in my backyard,
journaling.

Something specific.
Something profound.

It’ll stop me in my tracks
and give me pause.

I need that these days.
I need that every day.

He’ll beckon to me
in a child’s shy glance.
I’ll notice
her earnest seeking
after Him.
And it touches my heart!
It reminds me
in a rush of emotion:
THEY are
part of what,
part of whom,
I’ve been brought to Orchard Valley
to care for,
to guide.

And then
He’ll wake me up
early in the morning
to give me the download.
That week’s message.
Just like that.

That is so kind of you, Lord.
It makes me less anxious.
I realize
Words come
From you
To them.
I am just
the go-between.
And that is fine
with me.

Sometimes
You don’t let me sleep
I toss and turn
and You wake me up
at 4:45 in the morning,
when the house is quiet and still.
When my children are sleeping.
When no one is around,
but my spirit-led conscience.
You ensure that I have quiet time
and no distractions
So I can and must
write out a heartfelt apology,
a confession of sin.
Working out
with whoever I’ve offended,
what needs to get said.

Sometimes I’m wrong.
Sometimes they’re wrong.
It doesn’t really matter.
You’ve called us
to work together.

I suppose You think to yourself,
“The sun’s gone down in her anger,
or self-righteousness;
she needs help making things right.”
See, even then,
how good to me are you?!
I don’t even deserve your help
when I’ve up and done wrong
again
but there you are,
again
Helping me out.

How many times
have you sent someone
to my door
with baked bread
or children’s books
or cookies
or vegetables in a grocery sack.

Your way of reminding me
It’s about love, silly.
It’s always about love.
It’s about people, sweet girl.
People, process, patience.
Not outcomes, output, “success.”
And you fill me back up
through your love
channeled through them.
And you bring me right back,
to that buoyant, happy place
where You’re perfectly sovereign
Totally in control
of Everything
and Everyone
And I
can just be
little
old
me.

You like to change my mind
For me.
Dramatically.
I’ll be thinking one thing,
then I’ll open your book,
and you turn my thinking on its head.
Here’s a new possibility to consider.
Now do it.
That way.

Lord God, you are more GOOD to me than I deserve.
You’re so much KINDER to me than I expect!
You have INFINITE work-arounds
for all the devil’s scheming
and
for all my awful failings.

THANK YOU
for bringing
even these words
forth.
For me.
For us.
For them.

Tina Teng-Henson and her family live in Santa Clara, California. She is presently serving as an interim co-pastor at Orchard Valley Christian Church (orchardvalley.org). She enjoys volleyball, independent film, and being in nature.