By Diana Kim

What makes a good leader? It’s not just about knowledge or authority. It is about empathy, being able to walk in and understand the experiences and struggles of others. Given the current state of the world, and all the hate we are witnessing throughout the country, empathy is all the more necessary for spiritual leaders to truly connect with their communities and congregations. 

In my own experiences, both as a leader and as a disciple/follower/mentee, the most honest relationships were had when moments of genuine vulnerability and empathy were shared, by both the leader and the disciple. For example, it was encouraging to know that the person I looked up to also struggled, that they didn’t have all the answers. While I did often seek the “right” answer from them, it was in the struggle that the truth was realized, though I would only realize this in hindsight. Knowing that my leader was human did not make me belittle them or trust in them less; it was just the opposite.

When was the last time you were truly honest and vulnerable with the people you were leading? It may seem easier to lead with a facade, with a mask, through which no one can see our true selves. We lead with our best foot forward and with a demeanor of perfection so that people can always “look up” to us. When I think about Jesus, and the leader He is, yes, He is a leader who is perfect; but He is also a leader who is vulnerable and honest, who has great empathy for His disciples and the people He is ministering to. Jesus cried and mourned in front of His disciples. Jesus expressed anger and frustration in front of His disciples. 

While leaders should not be constantly laying their baggage onto their communities in a toxic manner, leaders should be vulnerable: leaders are human beings and their communities need to know that. If we cannot confess that we are human – that we are flawed, that we have emotions, that we struggle, that we are imperfect – then we fail as leaders.

This past year has been difficult on so many fronts: COVID-19, politics, riots, racism, violence. If we cannot be vulnerable about what we are experiencing, what we have felt and thought while going through such tough times, we fail to relate to the realities of those we lead, those in our communities, those entrusted to our care. We fail to be relevant leaders. Our vulnerability and our ability to genuinely empathize begins with acknowledging the mess we are living in, naming it, and sharing our experiences of it, even when we do not have all the answers.

Diana Kim is a pastor of a local Korean church in Torrance, CA. Her primary goals in serving are to teach and equip the next generation to be passionate for Jesus and to live out His passion and care for the world. Diana is currently a PhD student at Fuller Theological Seminary and is majoring in Christian Ethics. Her current research area of interest is Asian American feminist ethics.