By Tina Teng-Henson

I’ve pulled back from active ministry for a season, tired from pastoring and parenting during the pandemic, somewhat discouraged by the state of Christian leadership in our country. Listening to the Mars Hill podcast this spring and summer reminded me of the spiritual abuse I’d seen in some churches – but didn’t paint the picture of how else we could be, what else we could do to work against Satan and his devices. 

God, to this very season, in his kind providence, drew my notice to several women in Christian leadership around me, to be inspired by their lives. To shield and protect their beauty and dignity from strangers, I’ll paint their picture with story and word as best I can.

One role model worked out the trauma she’d experienced thru bending, welding, and crafting metal into powerful art that hangs on the wall of her home. Having found herself unwittingly at the center of the most public church scandal of the past decade, she could have emerged deeply scarred, even permanently, by her proximity to all involved. But by God’s grace, when I was privileged to walk through her living room, watch her interact with younger Christian leaders, listen to her speak with candor about her upbringing – I saw Ephesians 2:10 (NRSV) at work in her being. “For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.”  The disappointments of men could not take away the power of God to breathe new hope back into her visage and vantage point. She could look at God’s work among a new generation and believe again for a new day ahead. 

My spiritual director images Christ to me as she listens to my heart for an hour every month. I always have so many things to say, and non-linear recollections tumble forth, a jumbled mess of stories, lingering feelings, and doubtful questions. She gently reflects back to me, thru her kind countenance and her inquiries, God’s acceptance of me, just as I am. Having been heard, I can quietly set up sanctuary in my heart the rest of the month, in my prayers. She sends me home with books and, elvishly, drops off more books at my doorstep, helping to guide and direct my soul’s nurture through my reading.  I sense a calling to spiritual direction as a result of her kindness and care. 

Today is a quiet day for me, as I let my body recover from yesterday’s booster shot. But the music from yesterday’s Advent concert remains with me, the gift of a new mentor and role model who pastors a church in our region. High school students from a neighboring district processed into the great fellowship hall, under the proscenium, draped with white sashes, gowned in black. Their voices lifted our spirits from the press of Christmas preparations into transcendent wonder anew.  Night of Silence/Silent Night was the song that spoke the most to me, bringing back memories of first hearing it in college, thousands of miles away, almost two decades ago. After the concert is over, and the laughter has wafted, I go off to discover the unlit sanctuary, to listen for if the Lord has something to say. The space feels like both a living room and a sanctuary, decorated for Christmas, adorned for Advent. As I leave, I pass thru the breezeway, and feel invited to come back again, to more fully meditate upon the hand-painted scriptures and iconography above my head. 

These women and their lives feel like burnished brass to me. I am drawn by the warm polished metal, weathered and antiqued, textured and slightly browned. Their rich, golden color still shines even amidst the patina found on the edges and corners of their lives.  As I look ahead, I thank God for these women who model for me graceful resilience and glorious redemption.  May the reign of our Lord and King come with ever-increasing measure and hope.

Tina Teng-Henson is a wife and a mother, a minister and a friend. She is beginning spiritual direction training this fall and hopes to work on a DMin in a year’s time to process the last decade of church ministry in the Bay Area. She welcomes one-on-one conversations and opportunities to be in the word of God and to pray.