By Jerrica KF Ching

I believe that the idea of “excellence” can be a very complex idea that sticks with some of us throughout our entire lives.  For me it was within the world of academia and later my occupational well-being.  When I was in elementary school, report card grades consisted of S- (less than satisfactory), S (satisfactory), S+ (more than satisfactory), and E (excellent).  If we received E’s for all four quarters of the school year, we received a Certificate of Excellence that was printed on special paper, and our names were called aloud at a school assembly.  I cannot recall my parents ever pushing my siblings and I to strive for E’s, so perhaps my desire to earn E’s for all quarters was due to a competitive streak between classmates, wanting to know what having status felt like, and being motivated externally due to my age. 

All of that to say, I would pride myself on being an excellent student.  This carried on from elementary school through graduate school.  It wasn’t until graduate school however, that what I prided myself on would be viewed by others as a trait related to my racial identity.  Not fully grasping the Model Minority Myth, and not fully recognizing what microaggressions were at the time, I was on the receiving end of multiple comments about how I was a good student because I was Asian.  This no longer felt like an action of pursuing excellence, but something more like an adjective to describe me as a person. 

I quickly fell into patterns of constantly feeling like I was not living up to expectations of others, which fed into questionable and quite toxic work habits in my early twenties.  I would either become so invested in work that I would cancel plans with friends and family, or when I reached the point of burnout I would be so detached from my job that I would miss deadlines.  I wrestled constantly with wanting to do my job well, yet not do it too well so as not to be viewed in such a way where I’d stand out.  After many long and lengthy therapy sessions, as well as a much-needed job change, I learned that working towards excellence can be a behavior, but it doesn’t have to be the only way of being.

Whenever I write reflections for AAWOL, I often look for an apt bible verse that captures a personal life lesson.  For this theme of excellence, I reflected upon 2 Corinthians 8:7, which reminds us that even though we may excel in many things, whether that is excellence in faith, speech, knowledge, earnestness, and love, we also must be reminded about excelling in the act of grace giving.  I also believe that I have learned the importance of extending grace to ourselves.  For many of us who write for AAWOL, we are experts in our field.  We have accolades, recognition, certifications, and positions that we have worked and strived for, and we also deserve to strive for grace when we feel as though we are not living up these titles, and when we are allowed to just be as we are in the presence of God.

May all of you continue to strive for excellence and for grace as we transition into a spring season of new growth!

Jerrica KF Ching grew up on the island of Oahu, Hawaii and currently lives in the beautiful state of Washington, working as a licensed mental health counselor and Asian/Pacific Islander mental health specialist, working with children, teens, and adults within the AAPI community. She graduated with an MA in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from George Fox University, where she is now an adjunct professor and supervisor. Her research on racial colorblindness has been published in The International Journal of Social Science Studies.