By Tina Teng-Henson

These days, I define excellence.

I used to jump through hoops laid out by those around me.
College entrance, obviously.
Evangelism and discipleship and mission.
Ordination? Maybe. Maybe not.

My set, we’re in the “good enough” stage of life:
Chauffeur and cook; keep the kids alive.
My friend said yesterday:
“Cooking? I gave that up 4 or 5 years ago.”

Excellence is listening attentively.
Excellence is feeling present.
Excellence is exercising daily.
Excellence is cooking something the kids will eat!

I’m still pastoring…but 12 hours a week.
I could get used to this!
I ask other questions
To measure the good life.

Do I have third spaces that are not home nor work?
Do I care for my body as intentionally as I care for my soul?
Will I live at a savoring pace?
What does Sabbath look like?

I write down the funny quips our kids say
As they appreciate puns and
Tell us about their day
My nightly examen yields humble moments.

A baby lizard, a hummingbird,
And a bumblebee…
The Lord’s presence?
As I weed the garden

I feel a bit understimulated
Which never happened
In undergrad or grad school.
Boredom?! What’s that?

Am I sleeping too much? Eating too much?
My waistline has thickened.
Last week Silicon Valley Bank failed
But Everything Everywhere All at Once swept the Oscars

I’m trying to define excellence
On my own terms
Or in terms that my contemplative practice
Would affirm

But sometimes,
Everything Everywhere All At Once
Feels Completely Dissatisfying
My life, mind you, not the film.

I discover the hard way that
Stewed chicken should be slow-cooked
It literally is a tough old bird
That needs 6-24 hours!

The graham cracker crust is stuck to the pan
The graham cracker crust made of
Graham crackers that I wanted to toss
But the husband wanted to see used

The neck pain is back
After 6 weeks of physical therapy
I really just gotta do the darn exercises
I know better now

Why do I think I want a full-time job
When we all know how miserable I was
When I had a full-time job?
My mind isn’t very rational.

I miss feeling consumed and absorbed
Directed by the demands and responsibilities
Life feels vacuous and emptier
Working so much less

The husband has jury duty tomorrow
And the malfunction indicator light has been on
In the car since early last week
Did I tell you I had 3 cavities filled Monday morning?

The grumpity grumps come and go
But they’re here again today
What makes life meaningful? My brain wonders
I’m living Ecclesiastes

What from today
will I hold onto
that actually
mattered?

My daughter’s friends came over
For Clue and painting and dinner
Gulsen and Katherine are so sweet
One is Muslim, one is Taiwanese

No one could eat the tough old bird
But Gulsen liked the rice.
The cake crust wouldn’t separate
So Gulsen took home “pudding”

She taught us the way Muslims pray before dinner
One three-syllable word I can’t recall that means
“God, don’t let us choke on our food!”
Oh, how we laughed!!

We did the Our Father together
And she seemed delighted, watching
My younger two rambunctious ones
Pray in unison

While one climbed on the counter
To get a straw
And the other wiggled around
Doing something else I can’t recall

This is the good life, I’m told.

Middle son didn’t want to leave the baseball field
He wanted to wait in line to keep hitting
The group did a cheer before wrapping up: “Go Geckos!”
Big smiles all around.

Before heading home
A friend showed him Pokemon cards
This is all he wants these days:
Pokemon cards and baseball

This is a good life.

Number three stands beside me, taping little books made of post-its
This one is always writing
My name, her name, my husband’s name.
We are her world.

Kiss me, she insists!
Dance with me! She smiles.
This one is always happy
Write my name, please!

Teresa

Tina

John

Tina began her ministry career serving undergrads at Harvard College as an InterVarsity staff and Harvard Chaplain. After moving to the Bay Area, she pivoted into local church ministry, and is presently serving Redeemer Community Church in San Francisco as their interim pastor. Tina is a spiritual director thru PAX Center for Christian Spiritual Formation – and co-facilitates a PastoraLab cohort for women pastors thru Innovative Space for Asian American Christianity.