When we ask, we develop humility. Dr. Henry Cloud follows this thought with a reminder when we invite others to help us see a more complete picture of God’s intention.
Much of the Bible is written to a community, not individuals. The Old Testament is to inform readers about God’s love for Israel and why they are His chosen people. God employed writers in the New Testament for people to learn solutions greatly needed. In the small moment after lunch, I invited my brain cells to ponder the communities of faith Paul addressed. He wrote to the Corinthians not just once but twice, then the Roman, Galatian, Ephesian, Philippian, Colossian and Thessalonian peoples.
A new pastor in our city was asked to give the opening devotional at our local ministerial meeting. He had just received his first pastoral appointment, and started his remarks by describing the first time he walked into his office at the church. There was a large, impressive-looking desk with a large, impressive-looking chair. He sat at the desk and thought of his new responsibilities to lead the church. He imagined people coming to see him in his new office.
“I need to be careful to resist temptation,” he said to himself. “I need to remember that I am not God.”
I’m using quotation marks rather loosely here, because this took place a number of years ago, and I don’t remember the exact words. But I remember the new pastor’s meaning, and I remember being surprised. I immediately thought to myself, “Maybe that’s a temptation for a young, white, male pastor, but that’s not my experience in ministry.”
On the Tuesday of Holy Week every year, when clergy come together with the Bishop to reaffirm our Ordination Vows at the Chrism Mass, time is set aside before the worship service for any clergy to meet with the Bishop for the Reconciliation of a Penitent — a “sacramental rite in which those who repent may confess their sins to God in the presence of a priest and receive the assurance of pardon and the grace of absolution” (An Episcopal Dictionary of the Church).
After years of serving several churches as interim priest, I was finally called as rector to a church in 2019. To begin this new call, I thought it necessary to interrogate the state of my soul. In the process of examining my soul of things I had made room for, lurking inside I found a deep resentment toward someone who at one point had spiritual authority over me. It’s easy enough to speak of loving someone, but it’s a totally different matter to engage in reconciliation to the one who I see as having wronged me.
I love this quote by philosopher Simone Weil: “Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” Like many people, I mostly think of generosity in monetary terms, but this quote reminds me that generosity with our time and presence is even more important than what we can give financially. In the book, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness by Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz, the authors contend the following:
“Time and attention are the essential materials of happiness. They are the reservoir from which our lives flow…Just as the water from a reservoir can be directed to and enrich particular areas of a landscape, the flow of our attention can enliven and enrich particular areas of our lives. So it never hurts to take a look at where our attention has been flowing, and ask if it’s going into places that benefit both the people we love and ourselves (these two things usually go together). Are we thriving? Are the activities and pursuits that make us feel most alive getting their due share? Who are the people most important to us, and are those relationships, challenges and all, getting the attention they deserve?”
“This house we could definitely NOT afford under normal circumstances… but it came as a clear sign and confirmation of God’s leading, provision, grace, favor, and blessing once again as we seek to follow the ways of faith He has birthed and engrained in us. We are beyond amazed and thankful for the owners who are also humble to not want any mention of them in all of this. May the Lord honor their hearts with more than they can imagine too .”
– Andrew Wong on 3/10/2023 Social Media Post
This post testifies to our astonishment and gratitude for the generosity of God, manifested through the kindness of people towards us. We were offered a beautiful place to rent at the perfect time for our newborn, and it was generously priced for us. At the time, I was concerned about our financial situation as I took maternity leave, and we would have to rely solely on Andrew’s salary. It was during this period that I contemplated whether I needed to return to work less than a month after giving birth. At the crossroads, Andrew and I decided to live by faith and focus on our respective callings. No one can replace me as a mother to TJ, but anyone can replace me as a minister.
Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. —1 Timothy 6:18
I have known Richard and Susie for about 10 years now. They are the most generous people I know. They serve their church with their time, energy, ideas, serving as a trustee (Richard) and an SPRC member (Staff Parish Relations Committee, Susie). They not only give their true tithe but also give to missions above and beyond their regular giving. I wish they were in my church but they live about 100 miles away in the northeast corner of Georgia. When I visit them every summer, they wait for us in their driveway with open arms, big smiles, and hugs. I believe they prepare for about a week for our one day visit. Not only do they get gourmet meals ready, they clean their house spotless, they put cut flowers everywhere, they prepare gifts for our children, they have a variety of board games ready, they get their boat and dock ready for us, etc. They receive us with such generosity, we feel like royalty. Every time I visit, I have wondered in my mind, “How did I get to know them?” “What have I done that they treat me like a queen?” “I need more friends like them!” I also think to myself, “Who am I that they shower me with such generosity? I must be very special to them! I am so grateful!” Needless to say, they brighten our souls with their generosity, they elevate us to a new status, and while we are there, we act like royalty, too!
Effective boundary setting allows us to be the most generous in relationships. As an Asian American woman in the field of psychotherapy, I am very aware of the over-simplistic Western connotations of the word “boundaries.” Steven Yeun’s character says it well in the recent Netflix show Beef: “Western therapy doesn’t work on Eastern minds.” For some of us, the idea of boundaries might elicit images of cutting off ties with kin to pursue individualistic dreams, keeping to one’s comfort zone instead of stepping into servanthood, or villianizing communal values that have held our ancestors and heritage together throughout space and time. Something inside many of us, as deeply communal people, accepts the idea of boundaries while holding some suspicion or nonidentification.
When I think of flexibility, I get annoyed. We are so often told, especially during Covid, that we have to pivot or get left behind, mired in our old expectations of the way life is supposed to work. It is almost NEVER comfortable to be flexible enough to make way for something you did not expect. Most of my life, “flexibility” has felt more like not having an option than being allowed to grow into some mature, zen version of being able to roll with the punches.
Growing up in Japan surrounded by bamboo, I admired their beauty, strength, and flexibility. In the winter, they bend down under the weight of snow but do not break. During the typhoon season, they sway wildly in high winds but hold steadily to the ground. This unique flexibility made bamboo one of the most revered plants in Japan.
Growing up, I danced competitively. Imagine “Dance Moms” down to the stage makeup, costumes, and hairpieces. While I am no longer in the competitive circuit, I still dance, but just for myself: part exercise, part stress relief. During those competition days, stretching was a part of my daily routine. I would be in the splits while reading or doing homework. There was always more flexibility to be achieved, not just for myself but for my teammates; even those who were like Gumby still stretched every day.
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