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By Joy Wong
I’ve never considered myself much of a worrier. I always thought that between my husband and me, he’s the worrier for sure. But lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot more anxiety, and after some reflection, I’m starting to realize why.
In the past, I could always carve out the time to fully prepare (and often, over-prepare) for anything coming my way. If I had a speaking engagement, I would do thorough research, manuscript my talk, prepare an outline and powerpoint slides, and rehearse what I was going to say. If I had an upcoming exam, I’d plan out a study schedule, thoroughly cover all topics, and spend endless hours going over practice questions. If I had a major life event coming up — like with my first pregnancy — I would read as much as possible, take all the courses available, and do all sorts of preparation to plan for all circumstances that may come up. I had plan A, plan B, plan C… everything was covered.
But now that I’m a mom, I have a hard time finding time to be fully prepared for anything. Often, I have to get by with “just enough.” But I’m finding that the more room I’ve left to non-preparedness, the more room I’ve given over to anxiety. I’m realizing that in my past, it’s not that I didn’t have anxiety; rather, I was able to ward it off with preparedness.
However, I’ve been more and more convicted that it doesn’t have to be one or the other — either preparedness or anxiety. Rather, there’s a space between the two — a middle ground — that leaves room for trust and faith in the Holy Spirit to move and work. Granted, for me it’s an uncomfortable space. But I sense an invitation from God to enter and stay in this space, and to watch God work in spite of my inability to cover all my bases.
At the time that I’m writing this blog, I’m fast approaching the due date of my second child. (God-willing, my son will have entered this world safe and sound by now!) There are so many things that I have felt anxious about — things that I cannot fully prepare for, either because it’s completely out of my control, or because I simply don’t have the time or energy to plan for every contingency. I’m just “winging it” (and I generally hate “winging it” — it makes me nervous). But I’ve found freedom in the truth that not all that is to happen in the future depends wholly upon me; that God is at work in ways seen and unseen. I may not have been able to see that before, but I’m being challenged to see it now.
Joy Wong is a contributing author to Mirrored Reflections: Reframing Biblical Characters, published in September 2010. She has an MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary, a BA in English from Princeton University, as well as managerial experience in industrial distribution. Joy and her family attend Northland Village Church.
Posted in reflections | Tagged anxiety, letting go of control, performance, preparation | Leave a Comment »
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By Dorcas Cheng-Tozun
It was a typical toddler meltdown. My two-year-old, overtired and over-stimulated, wouldn’t talk to anyone or eat any of the food we put in front of him. Instead, he retreated into a corner of the room to wail.
But the scene, which took place a couple months ago, was anything but typical. Continue Reading »
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By Jerrica Ching
Due to recently entering the world of full-time career work as a child and family therapist, I have found myself frequently overwhelmed with the frivolities of life. Frivolities include but are not limited to, trying to remember to mail birthday cards on time to family in Hawaii, going to buy groceries but forgetting to buy the pasta sauce, not being able to find any spoons in the break room so I need to eat oatmeal with a fork, or waking up early on a Saturday morning believing it to be a Tuesday. Continue Reading »
Posted in reflections | Tagged peace, therapy | Leave a Comment »
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By Vivian Mabuni
She Reads Truth is an online community of an estimated 300,000 women who are seeking to be in God’s Word daily. I’ve been invited to guest write for them a few times. Asian American women leaders come in all shapes and sizes. This post from the Fruit of the Spirit series on Gentleness came to mind as I thought about our AAWOL community. May these words bless and encourage you today. Continue Reading »
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By Melanie Mar Chow
When it is time to follow God, you will know. Not only does God call, but He makes it clear that He is calling you, and be forewarned if you ask for a sign.
When I decided to follow God into leadership, I was invited to attend a conference while I was in seminary. I was to go to northern California — Marin County, to be exact — in February, during the very rainy season. Continue Reading »
Posted in reflections | Tagged gratitude, presence of God | Leave a Comment »
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By Diana Gee
My father is a man of few words. Because we live in different cities now, our interactions have been reduced to short, simple sentences flung back and forth through cyberspace.
“ How are you?”
“ Still kicking” Continue Reading »
Posted in reflections | Tagged fathers, parental approval | Leave a Comment »
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By Ann Chen
Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always had dreams about what it’d be like to be in full-time ministry. My senior year of college, I had a conversation with God wrestling with Him because He was leading me away from full-time vocational ministry into the marketplace. I remember when I asked Him why, I remember Him distinctly telling me that if I were to go into full-time ministry at that point, it’d kill my faith because it’d be too comfortable. Continue Reading »
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