Photo by jhcloud8
By Joy Wong
So now that our book is published, our next steps are to “get the word out,” notifying our family, friends, and communities about the book, and inviting them to celebrate and support us by coming to our book events and buying and recommending our book to others, hopefully getting it into the hands of those who will benefit by it. Despite all the labor involved thus far of brainstorming, drafting, writing, editing, revising and re-revising our manuscript, I have to admit that there is no task I dread more in this publication process than I do of having to “sell” our book.
For example, just this past week, I was catching up with a friend and took the opportunity to tell him about the release of our book and our upcoming book celebration. Even as I did so, I could feel myself cringing inside for “promoting” my own work. In reality, I was simply summarizing the contents of the book and inviting my friend to our event. But it was so much against my habit of self-deprecation to deny the value of my own achievements (typically called “false modesty”), that I felt ashamed of myself for even a hint of what could be perceived as self-promotion.
Even as I try to say, “The chapter I wrote in this book is great,” the words get stuck in my throat and I don’t sound like I mean it. I can even feel my face getting a little hot as I utter the words, and all this, as I say it to an empty room!
Luckily, I figured out a way around this problem. While I have enormous difficulties with self-promotion, I have very little problems with promoting others. And because our book has seven other contributors, I’ve found myself saying things like, “Our book is really good – my chapter’s only ok, but the other chapters are really amazing!” – my way of achieving both self-promotion and false modesty in one fell swoop.
But is the false modesty really false? Or has it turned into an unhealthy form of negative self-talk that does not allow me to believe that I can produce anything worthwhile? Part of my embarrassment in promoting our book comes from breaking the cultural rule of modesty, but if I’m honest, part of it comes from a core disbelief that I can truly produce anything worth reading (and furthermore, worth buying to read)! Somehow, I wonder if a lifetime of being trained in false modesty has unwittingly turned into a disbelief in my own self-worth and potential. Perhaps this merits some further investigation.
Needless to say, getting eight Asian American women trained in habits of modesty and self-deprecation to increase awareness of their book will be a challenge. But by God’s grace, we will overcome ourselves to get our book into the hands of those who will be blessed and encouraged by it. Pray for us — we will need it!
Joy Wong completed a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary. She and her husband currently attend New City Church of Los Angeles. To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to aawolsisters@gmail.com.
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Dear Joy,
You hit the nail about ANA evangelical women’s core false belief system of “self-deprecation.” It took me more than two decades to overcome discomfort of what may appear to be a “self-promoting” venture. I have further problem when it comes to the combination of potential self promoting and money talk. I don’t have a problem of selling ideas but when it comes to addressing a fair speaking fee, I cringe and regret when treated unfairly as a result. Nevertheless, I see ANA evangelical male leaders do not share the same false belief. My conclusion is with everything “moderation” is the key. Since we have poured out so much energy in reaching this far, and also the fact that many younger and even middle age ANA women will undoubtedly benefit from our intimate stories, that’s what keeps me going. Thank you for your struggle and editing false belief.
Thanks for your response, Young! I also have noticed that ANA men do not have the same reservation when it comes to self-promotion or money talk. I’m interested in why ANA women do. I noticed that self-promotion and money talk provokes some shame in me. I’m wondering if this emanates from some Asian cultural value that I’m unaware of (passed down from previous generations, and still operating in the unconscious). Any ideas?
Let me give you my quick thoughts on women’s hesitance to self-promotion and money talk:
1) Bamboo ceiling: men are easily given opportunity to enter into decsion-making meetings whereas women in the church in general are left with serving children at best.
2) Therefore, it is almost counter-cultural for women to engage in such talks from early on.
3) theological barriers: “Women should be silent in the church” either consciously or unconsciouly force women to compartmentalize their roles in work place from the church setting–i.e. ANA CEO women in work place readily resort to passive pew sitting roles in the church. It is a culture that everyone assumes, which makes it more challenging to change.
All for now with my 2 cnets.
Thanks for your two cents — it’s much appreciated! I also think I have a hard time with self-promotion and money talk in general, not just in the church or ministry setting. Will do more reflection on this and perhaps write another entry when I discover more!
Let Go, Let God
I am strong, positive and powerful.
Jesus tells us, “If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves.” To follow the Christ Way, I need to deny, to let go and give up the erroneous, false and limiting beliefs that I have accepted about myself and others.
Perhaps up to this point I have denied my innate perfection. Instead, I now deny the error thoughts that keep me from expressing my Christ nature. I make strong, sweeping denials, such as, “I am no longer bound by limitations of any kind. I give no power to adversity or negativity.” Giving up false beliefs, I accept my Christ-likeness, my perfection, my good. I follow the Christ Way, for “the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”
If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves.–Matthew 16:24
How timely — your advice reminds me of the truth-telling skills I’ve been learning through a book called “Telling Yourself the Truth” by William Backus & Marie Chapian. It’s been so helpful in walking me through a step-by-step process in seeing the misbeliefs that run through my head, and replacing them with truths. I do admit, however, that the truths that I’ve been using to replace my self-talk don’t seem as powerful as the truths you’ve named above! Perhaps with more practice:)
I would love to support and help out with promoting book. When it comes to self-promotion and fee, it is a gray area. It seems kinda awkward to ask people to come and ask them to pay for the accomplishment. As I agree with Young, letting go and letting God handle that situation. In hard times of economy, I think it is okay for people to come and affirm the accomplishment of the book being publish. Ministries do need to survive with an offering. Im really grateful for the book .. I appreciate the hard work that each of the AAWOl sisters put forth.
Thank you so much for your comment, Karen, as well as the support, help, and encouragement you’ve already been to us AAWOL authors! It’s really helpful to hear your perspective — and rather relieving to know that there are people like you who understand the need for financial support and affirmation of ministries.
“Letting go and letting God” is something I need to practice. I’ve been realizing lately that oftentimes I am fixated and worried about how others perceive me. Part of my struggle with self-promotion is my preoccupation with projecting a positive image acceptable to others (and for whatever reason, I tend to view self-promotion negatively, so I imagine others will view me negatively as well if I self-promote). If I could only let go of needing the positive regard of others, perhaps I could have the freedom to “self-promote” for the sake of our mission.
Young wants me to get rid of the term “self-promotion” altogether and replace it with “mission.” But I think it will take more time and more reframing in order for me to make this internally congruent for me — so that it’s not just a change in vocabulary, but a change in my perspective and convictions.
Thanks again for all your support for us, Karen, and for helping us to promote the book, especially when it’s hard to do it for ourselves:)