Photo by mikebaird

By Joy Wong

I have a rather embarrassing confession to make:  For the years that I’ve been married (a little over four years), I have been totally uninvolved and unaware of our household financial situation.  I take the blame for this — not only do I seem to have an unexplainable inner repulsion to anything having to do with finances, but also I have extremely short-term memory in regards to the subject.  For example, from time to time, my husband has tried to sit me down and explain our financial status, but when questioned about it thirty seconds later, I’ll have found that I have no recollection of any of the numbers or amounts he was just talking about — in one ear and out the other!

Finally, this past weekend, my husband and I had a serious discussion about the need for me to be more aware of our finances.  I felt the same inner resistance I had always felt, but I also knew that he was right — and I saw his willingness to educate me as an invitation to take up equal partnership in our marriage.  Incidentally, in the sermon on Sunday, Kevin Haah talked about misunderstandings of submission in marriage.  One example he used of such a misunderstanding was of a wife who “submits” to her husband by allowing him to make all sorts of risky financial investments.   Thankfully, I have no such fears about my own husband!  At the same time, I could see myself as such a wife who, in the name of submission, would easily forego all responsibility for her husband’s decisions.

This realization has really opened my eyes to the ways in which I intellectually agree with mutual submission and equal partnership in marriage, but unconsciously practice that “a wife should submit to her husband.”  I’ve discovered that as much as I cringe when it is preached that wives should submit to their husbands, I also take advantage of the situation by relinquishing all financial responsibility, and leaving my husband to bear the responsibility on his own.   In essence, because I abhore any sort of financial talk, I have managed to use the system of submission for my own purposes!

Having grasped my misunderstanding and misuse of the concept of submission, I decided to accept my husband’s invitation to take up equal partnership.  I’m proud to say that with his patient assistance, I am now familiarized with our household finances.  And my eyes are now opened to see in what ways my practices don’t match what I presume to believe.  I’ve found that equal partnership takes more work and mental energy than I was originally willing to give.  But taking it up is empowering and, I believe, the way God intended it to be.

Joy Wong completed  a Masters of Divinity degree at Fuller Theological Seminary.  She and her husband currently attend New City Church of Los Angeles.  To contact Joy, please send your inquiry to aawolsisters@gmail.com.