Recently, I got together with friends whom I hadn’t seen in a while. These friends led, from an outside perspective, a very comfortable and stable life – financially, socially, relationally – in almost every way. However, they were not very happy in their walk with God. At church, they didn’t feel very connected, and they didn’t feel like they were really experiencing God’s goodness and power in a strong, real way. Looking over my life, I thought about how I had always wanted that kind of life – comfortable, with no need to worry about anything, and a straight and clear path. Although I had actually had that life for a while, I was led out of it.

I had thought a part of me still craved the security of that life – and it probably does – but I suddenly realized something: I’m really happy. Although my life isn’t as secure as I had wanted, it is an adventure, full of purpose and meaning, and it’s not just about me and my family, or our comfort or future security. God has infused my whole life with His love and truth in such a consistent and powerful way – blessing me with a vibrant, caring, authentic church (not to mention, husband!) that really reflects Him – that I can’t help but to be moved and changed and full of thanks. Getting to witness and experience God at work firsthand … there is nothing more beautiful, joyful, awesome, or meaningful
in the world! Now I’m not saying that comfort and financial security are bad, but I don’t think I could have grown if I had stayed in my former life because that’s how weak I am. Others can grow and mature in those lifestyles into vibrant Christians, but I couldn’t, so God led me into a deeper, more fulfilling life … despite all my best-laid plans.

A friend recently asked me, “If you knew you had one year left to live, what would you do? How would your life be different?” Since my recent revelation, I realized the answer: I wouldn’t change anything. If I had one year left to live, I would be doing exactly this. I love to travel, so for a moment, I thought to myself, would I want to travel? But as much as I enjoy traveling, I wouldn’t want to be away from my family, my friends, and my church. I feel like my life is exactly where I want it to be, not because my future is secure, but because I feel like I’m at the heart of where God wants me to be. It has nothing to do with my character or my maturity, since God is the One who has changed me, led me, and provided for me. But even while serving in ministry at a small level, I feel good about where I am. And I’m so grateful to God for this gift!

Grace Haah is the wife of Kevin Haah, founder and  lead pastor of New City Church of Los Angeles.  She has a B.A. in English from Bryn Mawr College, a law degree from Cornell, practiced law in upstate New York for a few years, and later worked in publishing before becoming a stay-at-home mom.  In her spare time, Grace enjoys playing the piano and completing crossword puzzles.

Interviewed by Joy Wong