Photo by OliBac
Posed by Tracy Lee
I’m currently living with two other girls, and we’re always talking about self-image in general and pondering the question, How do you have a healthy concept of yourself, inside and out? It’s a real-life, daily struggle, and it’s been helpful to have each other to encourage one another, with comments anywhere from “I give you permission to eat that chocolate” to “Let’s go work out together – you need to get your butt off the couch.”
The thing is, what the world tells us about beauty is so different from what is biblical. At the same time, I bet that even Christians have different answers about what beauty is. I’m interested in hearing different perspectives on this — what do you think about beauty, body image, and what a healthy concept of self is?
Tracy Lee is getting an MFT (Marriage and Family Therapy) degree at Fuller Theological Seminary and is doing her practicum at Hathaway-Sycamores Child & Family Services — Pasadena Unified School District. She graduated Northwestern University with a BA in art history and political science, and was raised in southern California.
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Tracy, this is such a great question since it’s one that most women, if not all, struggle with. At the same time, I hesitate to answer it, because I don’t know if I have a satisfactory answer! But I’ll paraphrase something I heard at a recent workshop at PIHOP (Pasadena International House of Prayer) that I found helpful.
They said women tend to go to two extremes: One is the “beauty queen,” who puts up a great image for the world to see, but her entire identity is built on her physical appearance and the image she portrays to the world. Her self-worth also goes up and down, depending on how others judge her. The other extreme is the “servant,” who thinks of herself as very lowly and unimportant, because she doesn’t know her own identity and worth in the kingdom of God. She and others treat her as a nobody, somebody to be overlooked.
But instead of the “beauty queen” or the “servant”, we want to be the “princess” — not in the sense of feeling entitled, but in the sense that our identity is firmly established in God’s love and who we are in God’s kingdom (daughters of the King of kings). It’s an unshakable identity that isn’t affected by what others think or say about us. At the same time, there’s a beauty that overflows from the inside and shows itself on the outside, because we know we’re loved, and we’re able to love ourselves and treat ourselves as individuals of worth. We’re created to be beautiful, inside and out, and that beauty shows itself fully when we’re rooted in our true identity.
So what does that actually look like?? I think, given the diversity of women that God has created, it probably looks a lot of different ways:) But I think you’ll know it when you see it — when someone doesn’t rely on her appearance for her identity, but there’s a beauty in security of identity and knowing one’s worth that emanates from within and shows itself on the outside as well. As I’m typing this, many faces of the beautiful women of God that I know are popping into my head, and they all look different. But they all have that same quality of being deeply rooted in love, beautiful on the inside and out.
Hope this helps a bit!
Tracy, beauty is so subjective. Beautiful women of God to me means, health, focused, disciplined, and thus confident. Defining oneself externally sets one up to live life on a roller coaster. I recommend women of God to be courageous, faithful, healthful, persistent, creative, and dare to be different:)
I love these adjectives, Young!:)
My thoughts go in several directions when I consider beauty, particular a woman’s beauty. While I don’t claim to be an expert on the lives of actors, I can own my gut reaction to watching certain female actors. Take Charlize Theron (sp?), for example. I thought it was incredibly beautiful of her to intentionally gain weight and wear facial prosthetics to alter her look, knowing the public would be watching (i.e.,”Monster,” also Renee Zellwegger in “Bridget Jones’ Diary” and Nicole Kidman in “The Hours”). I think the ability to do these things coms from a well of confidence…and perhaps a humility? A humility that says their craft is more important than the portrayal of a made-up image of perfection.
Relating this to ministry and Christian life, I am most attracted to leaders who are humble and authentic but also confident. I love it when leaders (both women and men) are secure enough in their relationship with God that they are able to talk honestly about their struggles.
That said, I’m not blind to the power of physical image. I recognize everyone has expectations: my students, my colleagues, my in-laws, etc all expect me to play a role. And I want to be confident enough in who I am before God to don those roles, for THEIR benefit. This may mean, however, that I dress the part of that role. I used to resist this, wanting to dress hip, but I learned from a couple African American colleagues that I needed to dress the part. If I want to be taken seriously, it helps to dress “seriously”. There’s so much more here, but I’ll stop now.
Thanks for the important question!
I came across this quote this morning and felt like sharing:
“Confidence is the only key. I know a lot of people who aren’t traditionally ‘beautiful’ – not symmetrical or perfect-bodied or perfect-skinned. But none of that matters because all that shines through is their confidence, humor and comfort with themselves. I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” -Emma Stone
I wholeheartedly agree with this quote, and on top of that, I know that confidence comes from our identity in Christ, as his beloved daughters. During this season of my life, I’m learning that beauty is freedom in being myself, the way God carefully and perfectly designed me. I am learning to embrace the unfolding of an innate beauty endowed to me by God.
I would love to hear what MEN have to say about this subject. 😉
Tracy, thanks for posting that quote — I love it! As far as getting men to respond, it can be a challenge to find men to comment on our blog, but I’ll ask around — feel free to ask around yourself as well:)
Tracy, I too agree with Emma Stone’s quotes on confidence and beauty. One thing to add to confidence building is the fact that it involves a meandering journey. Dare to be oneself is rooted in courage–coeur (heart). You may want to check out Rollo May’s book, Courage to Be. May integrates religion and psychology. His book Love and Will is a classic.
FYI, Young wanted to make a correction — “The Courage to Be” is by Paul Tillich, not Rollo May!
“The Courage to Create” by Rollo May