Photo by Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi

By Young Lee Hertig

I spent the whole day Saturday, September 22, at the memorial and burial service of a mother and grandmother who battled against cancer with its ups and downs.  Mrs. Yi was a model patient, mother, and dedicated supporter of our ministry back in the day when we ministered to her children.  Seeing her still face while remembering the table fellowship we shared felt surreal, rendering an inner and outer conflict between being and non-being.  The longer I live, the nearer I resonate with death and, thus, life.

Life has taught me to fall in love, let go, and live in the present.  During my teen years, I was one day reflecting on the finite dimensions called time—past, present, and future.  It might have been caused by my observation of people who obsessed about past regrets and worried about the unknown future.  What they were missing out on was the present moment, which resulted in their perpetual cycles of regret and worry.  To me, it looked like a lose-lose perspective.

Looking back at my life of more than half a century now, I am grateful for many seasons that I have experienced.  As someone put it, the past is the fertile ground from which new good arises.  How often have I run into people from the past and was glad to reencounter them serendipitously.  So to speak, “What goes around comes around.”

After the burial service, just like in the olden days, we hung out at the home of the friends where we used to gather after church.  It felt as though Mrs. Yi could show up at any moment with her sweet smile.  After all, we were all reminded of the finite time of our lives here on earth.  Mrs. Yi’s life seemed cheated by an early death at age 63, leaving behind her little grandsons whom she deeply adored.  Yes, indeed, our lives are as full of change as the seasons.  It was her time to leave us with memories to cherish.  I am grateful for having known her who enriched my life with her Korean Jeong, simplicity, and elegance.  Mrs. Yi, I look forward to our heavenly feast with you when I leave this earth and earthly body!

I am grateful for all the relationships that have come and gone, and I give thanks for new love, new health, and new possibilities unfolding.  I choose to learn from all the seasons of life that God has given me so far.  Life has taught me to fall in love and leave calculations to God, allowing the past to become the soil from which new opportunities grow.  Gladly I remain in the present, embracing the change of seasons, and appreciating the closing and opening of the old and new.

Rev. Dr. Young Lee Hertig is executive director and a founding member of ISAAC (Institute for the Study of Asian American Christianity) and AAWOL (Asian American Women On Leadership). She teaches in the Global Studies and Sociology Department at Azusa Pacific University and is an ordained Presbyterian clergy as well as a commissioner of the Presbyterian Church USA to the National Council of Churches Faith and Order.