Photo by Pink Sherbet Photography

By Ann Chen

“For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. Isaiah 54:5

Growing up, I’ve heard God described in many ways. Father, Provider, Healer, Shepherd, Redeemer, Husband. I’ve seen God demonstrate himself in so many ways as the first few, but husband? It’s such a hard concept to grasp.

Like most single women, I do have a strong desire to be married. Fortunately, I’ve been able to be content in the waiting. Over the years, I’ve been able to live a full and thriving life as a single woman. I’ve been intentional about seeking out and surrounding myself in strong community. I’ve been able to do worthwhile and meaningful activities with my time.  And while I know many women have not had the same experience, the doors for me as a woman to do ministry have for the most part been wide open.  I feel capable, independent, secure, and strong.

I launch out to the mission field in a month, heading out to Africa. I first joyfully made the decision to follow God and go overseas, but then the ramifications of what that meant began to hit me. I would no longer have the community that I could always go to. I’d be stripped of my abilities: to speak, to navigate, to buy, to understand, to survive. Fears began to run through my head: What if I get lonely? Will they take me seriously as a woman? What if I got stranded somewhere, or worse yet, raped or attacked?

I had always prided myself on being independent and being able to do things on my own, but with this new step, I began to feel like I would need another person there with me in order to merely survive, let alone thrive. At the prospect of loneliness, helplessness, and fear, my longing for a husband only increased exponentially.

As I talked to some married women, they kept encouraging me to look to God as my husband, and in this season, not to dwell on finding an imperfect earthly one. I was first frustrated, because I felt they didn’t understand. They didn’t know the loneliness that I would face. They didn’t understand how much easier it would be if I had a partner. They had never been on the mission field, how could they possibly understand how I was feeling?

One day, I felt God asking me how I would approach things differently if I really believed that God was my husband. He asked me what my ministry and life overseas would look like if I knew and really believed that he would partner with me and take care of my every need, as a perfect loving husband would.

I began to see God going with me in everything that I did. I saw him protecting me against everything that might try to hurt me. I saw him leading the way. I saw myself free to share His love in the mountains, amongst villagers who had never heard the gospel before, because He was there with me. I saw myself doing things I could have never imagined myself doing alone. I grew excited, and I began to dream the way that I feel free to dream here in America.

I still pray and expect God to bring my earthly husband in His right timing, but I am excited that I get to truly experience and cling to God as my perfect husband in any and every season of my life.

Ann Chen is an International Staff member with Epicentre Church and a student at Fuller Theological Seminary finishing up her degree in Intercultural Studies. She will be serving in Malawi beginning in May, doing church planting amongst the Yao. Ann has a BA in Urban Studies & Planning from UCSD, a Master’s in Education, and six years’ experience teaching middle school.