Photo by Aileen Hong

By Joy Wong

The last time I wrote for the blog was February this past year, when all things felt eclipsed by my pregnancy.  Fast-forward ten months, and I now have a 7-month-old baby girl; how time flies! When pregnant, I often wondered how my journey in ordination would turn out after I became a mom.  Would motherhood render me an “ordination dropout?”

It’s been a surprising journey — one that has required a constant assessment of my needs in order to know how to thrive as a mom.  In the first few months after my daughter was born, I could not fathom doing anything other than taking care of my baby.  After another couple months, more and more I felt the need to get away once in a while for some “alone time” for journaling, reflection, etc.  At this point, the thought of continuing with the ordination process was clouded with doubt.  I remember telling a mentor of mine that in regards to ordination, I felt like I had stopped my car for a bit (mainly, to have a baby), and now I was having trouble getting it started again.

But then add on a couple months, and I began to feel another need…  but for what?  Other moms shared with me what they needed to keep them going — for some, it was interaction with other adults; for others, it was time alone to run errands.  I thought my need was for time alone, but then I’d go out and I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Then it hit me: I need to be moving along in my vocation!

Since the next steps in my vocation were so clearly confirmed (after a LONG process of discernment) right before I got pregnant, it was easy to know what to focus on: beginning the process of ordination &  becoming a spiritual director.  At the time, it seemed like very strange timing to get pregnant after a long and arduous road of figuring out my vocational direction.  It made more sense to me that once I finally figured it out, I would run speedily towards my goals.  But now, I’m thankful that I was able to do all the vocational discernment before becoming a mother, so that I know what direction to take now.

So I’m now enrolled in a 2-year certification program to become a spiritual director to begin in 2014, and I’ve been approved by my church leadership to begin the ordination process.  I still hold questions in my heart as I wonder how childcare can/will be provided when I need it, how the ever-changing needs of my child will coincide with this process (will it work out?), and whether my vocational drive will persist as the journey of mothering continues, especially if we have more children in the future.

But for now, this is it.  This is how I feel led, so these are the steps I am taking…  with a bit of faith mixed with fear, with a bit of doubt mixed with certainty.  One foot in front of the other, slowly but surely — onward I go!

Joy Wong is a contributing author to Mirrored Reflections: Reframing Biblical Characters, published in September 2010.  She has an MDiv from Fuller Theological Seminary, a BA in English from Princeton University, as well as managerial experience in industrial distribution.  Joy and her family attend Northland Village Church.