Photo by Christopher Adams

By Ann Chen

Anxiety. I deal with it far more than I like to admit.

My body doesn’t let me get away with it though. When it happens, my body tends to act out in various ways – strange pains, disturbed sleep, and a general sense of unwellness.

The dictionary describes anxiety as “fear or nervousness about what might [emphasis added] happen.” Anxiety is future-oriented, rather than present-oriented, meaning it is experienced over things that may or may not occur and might not be an imminent threat. It occurs when we allow our minds to dwell on the “what ifs?”

I am a “what if” queen. It serves me well at times when it helps to have somebody who can think through different scenarios and situations, particularly when working on projects and planning events. However, it ends up being self-harming as I also tend to dwell on worst possible scenarios for my own personal life. What if I get sick? What if this person hurts me? What if I fail? What if the money doesn’t come in? What if…?

In the midst of my most recent bout of anxiety, I had a revelation about myself. When it comes down to it, my anxiety comes because I allow the “what ifs” to be bigger than God and His sovereignty and control over my life. I focus far more on what might happen rather than who God actually is.

I’ve heard somebody explain anxiety as a “restless energy.” One recent Sunday, I was doing some self-reflection during our morning intercession meeting. I realized how restless my spirit truly has been. I constantly ponder and think about the future, because I am constantly dwelling on the “what if” questions. I have traveled a ton, and people can’t seem to keep track of where I am. I have felt like I’ve been through constant transition over the past five years.  Even when I pray and worship, I tend to pace and move about. My restlessness is a symptom of my anxiety.

In that moment, I felt God speak to my heart, “Be still, and know that I am God”.

That was exactly what my anxious heart needed to be reminded. I chose to sit and be still. In that, instead of choosing to think about the future-oriented questions that consume my mind, God asked me to simply know that He was God in the here and now, and that He was in control. For that moment, I was able to experience peace that I know He desires my heart to be in.

I’m still learning how to walk out of anxiety and into greater trust and peace. I am weak in this area, but know that God is strong and is showing me the steps to be able to still my spirit for today and be able to rest in His goodness.

Ann Chen was recently serving in Malawi, working to see a discipleship making movement raise up amongst the Yao.  She is an International Staff member with Epicentre Church and has a degree in Intercultural Studies at Fuller Seminary.