Photo by Artondra Hall

By Ajung Sojwal

Live generously and graciously toward others, the way God lives toward you. Mt. 5:48 (The Message)

Like many before me, as a first-generation immigrant to this country, my journey has been more than the geographical distance travelled. From having to figure out what vitamin D fortified milk means to realizing that someone’s commend of “interesting” does not, in any way imply interest in you or your ideas. It has been, to say the least, interesting! Having to negotiate a new country, a new culture(s), a new people(s)—and in the end, not just making a home in a foreign land, but finding the gumption to seek leadership in one of the most “Privileged-White” institutions called the Episcopal Church has been nothing short of an agonizing metamorphosis.

Since the day I decided to disagree with my discernment committee about what “assertiveness” in leadership looks like, I have come to realize that I must re-define, and sometimes outright reject terms like “tolerance,” “welcoming,” “diversity,” “stewardship,” and “community” (mostly within the church context). More importantly, I realize how I would not have taken the trouble to brew in my soul these terms and others that come loaded with certain proprietary claims had I not lived on both ends of the social spectrum of the privileged and the marginalized.

Social competence as I understand within emotional intelligence, is more than just understanding, acceptance and engaging with others. The skill is even more about being able to communicate clearly who I am, what I stand for and what I expect from a relationship(s) so that conflicts can be negotiated respectfully and growth allowed to happen with dignity for all. Jesus, of course, calls us to go the extra mile beyond mere understanding and acceptance, to actually love our enemies. The kind of love that Jesus models for us, is, I believe, the highest form of social competence wherein He shows us not just understanding and acceptance of us (the other), but more profoundly, He wills and acts to remove walls that divide us, heals wounds that isolate, welcomes the despised, forgives the offender and brings dignity and new life to the very people who crucify Him daily with our disdain for all who are not like us.  Social competence, as a Jesus follower has had to do with understanding how to live out Jesus’ incarnation, death and resurrection in the relationships and situations that come my way. This has often meant that I had to dismantle everything I believed about myself, others and even God.

In the ongoing work of becoming socially more competent or more Christ-like, there has been one word, one concept that I have visited most often as I negotiate the many life circumstances with disparate people: Hospitality.

Hospitality…
Reduced to ritual, the Table now excludes.
Holy symbols…
like rare trimmings in a rich mans’ home.
A sanctuary from the squalor of life.
Outside the margins of personal space,
in the dearth of shelter,
where there’s invitation to all who happen by,
a thoroughfare only the poor can live in.
Exposed to all, I walk into her home,
in the entirety of her home—here I am.
Strange sense of space, that which isn’t mine,
Still, I possess it completely.
Nothing hidden, nothing divided,
on the crossroad of Broadway and 72.
Food for the day, from a concerned guest.
No leftover baskets to count here,
reality of ties unsustainable.
For me…
always with the luxury of leaving,
of boundaries and a space to own.
No blessedness…
in poverty—only in being poor.
Those: who share with God,
the act of sacrificing dignity,
daily…
a necessity, not privilege.
From unforgiving, unseen margins,
I now behold, God who becomes bread.

The Rev. Ajung Sojwal is an Episcopal priest based in the Diocese of New York. Originally from the state of Nagaland, India. Currently, she lives in New York City with her husband and one of their daughters.