Photo by Will

By Wendy Choy-Chan

Perhaps I was naive — of all places, the church should be the one who treats its members equally.
Perhaps I was a conformist — I was taught that men are to lead.
Perhaps I was ignorant — was I being discriminated because of my race, my gender, my accent, or my introverted personality?

Gender has never been in the forefront of my thinking or awareness. Despite being in the 10% minority in the Engineering program in college, I strived as a woman scholar. I had no problem finding a lab partner of the opposite gender, or making friends with both male and female classmates. At work, my boss had once told a co-worker (a man) to let me speak and not take over the conversation in meetings. I attributed it to my personality, and didn’t think it had anything to do with gender difference.

Thus, it was quite a shock to me to encounter this issue in seminary, out of all places. One day in class, my professor asked all the women to share our experiences and what we thought of gender inequality within our church or ministry. The men in the class were to just listen, without making any comments. If the instruction from my professor did not boggle my mind enough (why were the men not allowed to respond?), then the heartfelt sharing from my TA definitely astounded me. Her first few words were, “I was indignant,” and she described how women have been and still were treated and represented unfairly in the church.

As if having been awakened, from that day on, I started hearing stories of female classmates having to switch denominations so that they could fulfill their calling to become pastors. I noticed an incorrectly translated Greek pronoun in a theology textbook, turning the interpretation in the passage against women speaking in public. I witnessed how it is always “pastors and wives” but never “pastors and spouses,” or that nobody knows how to properly address a pastor’s husband in Chinese (vs. 師母 for a pastor’s wife). I feel a little indignant.

And then, I also noticed different efforts attempting to correct the problem – a seminary’s requirement for each class to include at least one textbook by a female author, a professor’s intentional invitation to female students to be teaching assistants. This should be welcoming news, right? But I feel even more indignant – I would like my work to be recognized and my ability valued because I am good, not because I am a woman. Affirmative action seems not so affirming. And thinking back, why weren’t the men allowed to respond that time in class? We are capable of defending our ideas, and certainly welcome honest, open discussions. I don’t know why I have this reaction. Is it my pride? Have I failed to see the enormity of the gender issue?

Here I am, awakened to the issue, but wrestling with the solution. I am no revolutionist or one who carries a protest sign, but I want to contribute to make things better. Perhaps this post and reflection is a good step. And yes, since that day in class, I became a little less naive, paying attention to what’s happening around me, especially in the church; a little less conforming, asking questions and pushing back on some of the teachings that I had received; and a little less ignorant, even though it is still hard to isolate gender from the rest of who I am.

Wendy Choy-Chan came to North America from Hong Kong when she was 15.  After graduating with a MScE, she worked as a telecommunications engineer for 5 years before becoming a full-time wife and mom.  Wendy just earned her MA in Theology at Fuller Northwest and is now serving at Evangelical Chinese Church of Seattle as a minister-in-training. She lives with her husband and two daughters in Seattle, WA.